101st Post : Something Different : Lifestyles 1

Disclaimer :This post is actually going to shock a few people, but I do not seek to apologize for any adult content in this post. With the 101st post here on this blog, I think, this is something worth discussing. Obviously it's not politically correct, and it may shock a few people about ethics and morals that I've always believed in and lived upto. However, on a personal note, to all my real friends and well-wishers, I assure You that I am perfectly in harmony with the morals and ethics. On this note..... this post is about my thoughts on a lot of things, but primarily on alternative lifestyles, specially one of them.

**************************************
It's been quite sometime now, that I've been exploring new lifestyles, alternative lifestyles would be a good word rather. How I hit the phrase and this phase of explorations is a long story ad not suitable enough to be written right now. But definitely, what's more important is what I explored, and where it leads me to.

I started my life as pretty normal Indian girl...... specially when it comes to behavior, conducting myself in public, treatment of my friends, peers, mentors and family, and about expectations....from me and mine.

But, something good (or may be not so good) that happened in the process was the fact that free thinking was encouraged in me. I somehow always found more than women around me. Probably, I used to be intellectually stimulated by the variety in their experiences, in contrast to those of most women around me, and so were they, with my grasp, and teatment of differet and diverse subjects.

The two lonely and isolated years in Delhi, with an exposure to the so - called free lifestyle, made me realize much more than 21 years in my town had. I realized the value of what I had learnt and also of that I hadn't. I realized that I was ahead of most of my peers, but I still lagged behind many. Not because I didn't sleep around or didn't get drunk or was not in a relationship. But, because I wasn't really aware of many things that existed in the world.

And......it was then that I explored. Tried playing safe, and remaining low about it, but I did try to explore and find out things.

It was then that I explored online, read, saw, discussed, became a member of groups around me, and found out how different people look at different set of things, experience. It was then that I truly learnt to be non-judgmental !!

I started with reading the classics, moved on to erotica, finished the Kamasutra, while simultaneously exploring the online discussion forums, porn websites(yes, I did it, but as if it was a course of study). I read philosophy, erotica, psychology (normal as well what the experts had to say about perversions and psychopathy).

I discovered what was good, what wasn't so good, and what was BAD (I say BAD, because it hurt people). And then I came across the concept of alternative lifestyles!!

The few that I got a chance to explore were thus:
1. Spirituality - Asceticism, Renunciation, Week-end
2. Spiritual Sexuality
3. BDSM and Kink
4. Gor
5. Vanilla........of course this was something I already was used to.

I won't really be able to say that I've explored a lot of relationships really........... but Lifestyles ? yes !!! And in the couple of next few posts, probably I'd be discussing all of them gradually one by one.....

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Lifestyles and Relationships : 3

• Communication: It has to be both sided.

When I talk about communication, what I mean is definite conveying of information, emotions and thoughts. And IT HAS TO BE BOTH SIDED period.Any relationship...... vanilla, kink, alternative lifestyle, or may be just a friendship or a relationship with one's kith and kin, communication is the key. Not all of us are mind readers. Most of us are people who do not often understand what the other person is thinking, though we might have a feeling or a hunch.Also, though we all say that one shouldn't be selfish and expect a lot from a relationship, we all know it as well for a matter of fact, that we DO EXPECT something from these relationships.

While in communication, the medium is important, I believe that what's more important is the regularity, order, and intensity of communication. This depends on various factors, and varies from couple to couple.

Some, people are okay with communications across weekends, other require it to be daily/once in two days. There are some others, who prefer it daily from one side, and others who prefer it one sided regularly, but less frequent from the other side.

For some, it's enough to know the well being, for others it's important that they share details. Sometimes, the communicative expectations differ between the two partners. For eg. One of them might be over expressive, requiring regular re-assurance and communication, while the other one is comparatively less communicative.

Situations like these might create complications if not resolved properly and in time. However, I'm not trying to say that they are unresolvable though.

I started this post on the 3rd, changed it to the 4th and am completing it on the 7th. I know,. this isn't a perfect post, but what ever came to my mind, I just completed.

But, so long, so far, it's OK.

© anu (Exploring Myself)

Lifestyles and Relationships : 2

• Compatibility: When I talk of Compatibility, I mean by it, all sorts of compatibilities..... emotional, cultural, moral, intellectual, psychological, physical and of course spiritual.

To elaborate let's assume an example.... If I'm in love with a person and seek to get into a relationship with him, I'd look into a lot of things. (here, I'd be specifically considering an amorous relationship). Is he an Indian? If yes, then is a broadminded Indian or a narrow - minded one. As in, does he believe in the orthodox practices or does He believe in the flexibility of people at different places and times?

I'd consider, If he's not an Indian, then what culture is he? am I comfortable with his culture? If yes, do we agree on the dress sense in general, do we agree on our public behavior, is a voyeur or an exhibitionist? If yes, am I the same? Do I like the same activities as he does, if not, can I bring myself to enjoy his chosen activities, and he mine?

There are of course, exceptions to these rules, depending on the kind of lifestyles people live in. For eg. If it were a M/s lifestyle or a D/s lifestyle, probably it would be only one person wanting to adjust. But even there, vanilaa elements do occur. However, if the relationship was a vanilla relationship purely, probably both would adjust.

So, this involves a whole lot. What if I'm a staunch Hindu and He's a Christian or may be plain agnostic, sceptic? May be I believe in over charity and he doesn't ! May be he's extrovert, part-animal, I'm a recluse! May be he likes living in dark rooms and I prefer bright, sunny rooms. May be He's corpulent, huge! I am skinny..... we have all seen relationships fall apart at times with drastic changes in the external persona. At least I have ! So, if You two people are going to eventually live together, please..... I advise You unsolicitedly......think before You decide!!

This having been said, let's have a look at the general (NON-AMOROUS) relationships. If we look at the set of our friends, often we find that we have many subsets amongst the set of friends whom we group together. For an example, I might have a small group of friends who goes with me to the music class. We all enjoy good music, sing well, share audios and videos etc. But, may be I do not like a certain person personally, because of her/his wiered dressing sense :|

Of course, I wouldn't go to shop clothes with the same person. At the same time, may be I won't exchange a musical CD with someone who helps me choose my clothes. My writer friends might not accompany me to lunches because they are non-vegetarian, and prefer different joints, while my colleagues may be my friends at work, and yet not my companions on a night out.

So, You see, it VARIES! Like I said before, (or may be I didn't : ) )we as human beings are open loop limbic systems when it comes to our emotions, feelings and interpersonal interactions. It's not my circulatory system that wouldn't depend on the other person's. It's my thought process, my aura, my emotional sensitivity and whole lot of stuff.

So, on an end note for this post.... I believe that for the success of any relationship, the key factor is compatibility, and I mean it in 'HOLISTIC' terms :)

Regards,
©anu (Exploring Myself)

LifeStyles and Relationships : 1

Disclaimer:This series of posts MAY contain some adult content. Also, though I would try to be dispassionate about my analysis and treatment of the subject, at times my views might not appear as traditional or conventional. If such be the case, I request the reader to not feel offended.


I have been recently thinking a lot about relationships...Their basic nature, types, causes, effects......and everything...

I have had thoughts hurting my head of late. Thoughts about different kinds of lifestyles, and different kinds of relationships people talk. I am not here, talking about the relationships between a family in the traditional sense. I am primarily thinking about the relationship of a man who is not related to a woman by blood. Probably, these thoughts have been lying low for a lot of time, and are a part of my evolution, my growth and metamorphosis.

Contd..... on 30.11.09

To me, a relationship is one of those few precious posessessions (I mean it....POSESSIONS! )a human being can have. A relationship is an immensely satisfying part of almost every human being's life. It's just the kind of relationship a person wants, that varies.

What varies is not the unbearable, overwhelming need to belong, but the idea of whom to belong to. In different relationships, and for different people what changes is not the place where the relationship happens, not the medium of communication and not even the distance, but the level, intensity and sense of belonging.

What changes with the couple/group involved is not the emotions or the basic elements of relationship. But, what changes is that different people treat and handle these elements differently and that is what makes these relationships unique. This is what makes these relationships so different, and so much a cause of both pleasure and pain.

I guess a few basic elements of a relationship are:

• Compatibility: emotional, intellectual, psychological, physical and of course spiritual.
• Communication: It has to be both sided.
• Compassionate Passion
• Collective efforts
• Care and unconditional Love.

These are what I call the 5 C's of a relationship. IN the next post of the series, I'll discuss these in details, with examples as I can think of that.

Till then, lots of love and regards,
Anu
©anu (Exploring Myself)