Him and Trident

I know the single-track minds some of you have, and I also know you're already wondering...Him? Who? Oh well, He's just a valued, respected and precious friend. So, this is one of those updates from my Delhi trip that I guess, I'm now ready to share.

An online friend, whom I met through an online forum, was in Delhi on the second day of my trip and we decided to meet in Gurgaon because he had a meeting there and had to leave and it was raining so we did not want Him to come to Del in the rains and end up missing His flight. So, He asked me to reach trident and I waited for Him in the coffee shop there, with a litchi ice tea, not knowing what to do with it.

And then, there's this seemingly perfect gentleman (not just seemingly, but actually perfect), young professional, no paunch, no bald, approaches my table and looks at me, for a few seconds before I raise my head up, and asks me almost wordlessly if I'm myself (asks me about my name :P ) And, I know it's my friend. I rise up, we shake hands and then before we settle down again, something just sweeps over me and I end up asking....mind a hug before anything else?

He's all grins and agrees and we hug !!!

The only reason why I'm writing this post is because I know that *this one hug* is something I'll never forget :) By nature, I'm a touchy feely person with the right people and obnoxiously distant with those whom I cannot correlate with. I like embraces, hugs, tender forehead kisses (as long as they aren't leery and cheep). I like holding hands, caressing hair and cheek, cuddling as well. But, like I said, with the right person and in the right manner.

And, this one hug was perhaps the warmest, friendliest and most relieving and serene hug I ever received in life!!! And I just loved my friend for doing it :)

The rest of the time was so sweet. We talked, laughed at pj's and He looked at me with such a sweet smile as if He was in awe with my nerd like personality and my carbon frame specs and my JNU student like countenance, and I looked at Him with a soft, delicate, revered, and yet amused smile,. But, I already like Him a lot and love him like a friend :)

And then I never knew there was more to come. A hug again at the airport when we saw each other off and a sudden kiss on my forehead in such a gentle, friendly, but an elder-like manner, almost brought tears of relief and joy to my eyes.

My friend is married, and He's way too elder to me, and He's such a sweet, well-educated, intellectual, intelligent and a charming person that I cherish Him as one of the precious people in my life. Someone whom I look up to and someone whom I remember with all fondness for laughing at my foolery, gently correcting my mistakes and helping without being judgmental to me.

I haven't written this post to praise Him to no end, but just to say that there are some people and some hugs/touches You cherish for the life. And there are some people who are always a ray of Hope no matter how dark it is.

He is one such person in my life.

Lord,

I thank You for granting me,

The people in my life.

Good, bad, beautiful, not-so-beautiful,

each precious and each different from the other.

Help me Lord,

to protect them,

to be able to love, honor and respect them.

And grant everyone in this world,

the fortune of beautiful friendships,

relationships and even beautiful acquaintanceship and strangers.

This I ask in thy Holy name.

Amen!!

©2010 anu (Exploring Myself)

Lifestyles and Relationships : 3

• Communication: It has to be both sided.

When I talk about communication, what I mean is definite conveying of information, emotions and thoughts. And IT HAS TO BE BOTH SIDED period.Any relationship...... vanilla, kink, alternative lifestyle, or may be just a friendship or a relationship with one's kith and kin, communication is the key. Not all of us are mind readers. Most of us are people who do not often understand what the other person is thinking, though we might have a feeling or a hunch.Also, though we all say that one shouldn't be selfish and expect a lot from a relationship, we all know it as well for a matter of fact, that we DO EXPECT something from these relationships.

While in communication, the medium is important, I believe that what's more important is the regularity, order, and intensity of communication. This depends on various factors, and varies from couple to couple.

Some, people are okay with communications across weekends, other require it to be daily/once in two days. There are some others, who prefer it daily from one side, and others who prefer it one sided regularly, but less frequent from the other side.

For some, it's enough to know the well being, for others it's important that they share details. Sometimes, the communicative expectations differ between the two partners. For eg. One of them might be over expressive, requiring regular re-assurance and communication, while the other one is comparatively less communicative.

Situations like these might create complications if not resolved properly and in time. However, I'm not trying to say that they are unresolvable though.

I started this post on the 3rd, changed it to the 4th and am completing it on the 7th. I know,. this isn't a perfect post, but what ever came to my mind, I just completed.

But, so long, so far, it's OK.

© anu (Exploring Myself)

Lifestyles and Relationships : 2

• Compatibility: When I talk of Compatibility, I mean by it, all sorts of compatibilities..... emotional, cultural, moral, intellectual, psychological, physical and of course spiritual.

To elaborate let's assume an example.... If I'm in love with a person and seek to get into a relationship with him, I'd look into a lot of things. (here, I'd be specifically considering an amorous relationship). Is he an Indian? If yes, then is a broadminded Indian or a narrow - minded one. As in, does he believe in the orthodox practices or does He believe in the flexibility of people at different places and times?

I'd consider, If he's not an Indian, then what culture is he? am I comfortable with his culture? If yes, do we agree on the dress sense in general, do we agree on our public behavior, is a voyeur or an exhibitionist? If yes, am I the same? Do I like the same activities as he does, if not, can I bring myself to enjoy his chosen activities, and he mine?

There are of course, exceptions to these rules, depending on the kind of lifestyles people live in. For eg. If it were a M/s lifestyle or a D/s lifestyle, probably it would be only one person wanting to adjust. But even there, vanilaa elements do occur. However, if the relationship was a vanilla relationship purely, probably both would adjust.

So, this involves a whole lot. What if I'm a staunch Hindu and He's a Christian or may be plain agnostic, sceptic? May be I believe in over charity and he doesn't ! May be he's extrovert, part-animal, I'm a recluse! May be he likes living in dark rooms and I prefer bright, sunny rooms. May be He's corpulent, huge! I am skinny..... we have all seen relationships fall apart at times with drastic changes in the external persona. At least I have ! So, if You two people are going to eventually live together, please..... I advise You unsolicitedly......think before You decide!!

This having been said, let's have a look at the general (NON-AMOROUS) relationships. If we look at the set of our friends, often we find that we have many subsets amongst the set of friends whom we group together. For an example, I might have a small group of friends who goes with me to the music class. We all enjoy good music, sing well, share audios and videos etc. But, may be I do not like a certain person personally, because of her/his wiered dressing sense :|

Of course, I wouldn't go to shop clothes with the same person. At the same time, may be I won't exchange a musical CD with someone who helps me choose my clothes. My writer friends might not accompany me to lunches because they are non-vegetarian, and prefer different joints, while my colleagues may be my friends at work, and yet not my companions on a night out.

So, You see, it VARIES! Like I said before, (or may be I didn't : ) )we as human beings are open loop limbic systems when it comes to our emotions, feelings and interpersonal interactions. It's not my circulatory system that wouldn't depend on the other person's. It's my thought process, my aura, my emotional sensitivity and whole lot of stuff.

So, on an end note for this post.... I believe that for the success of any relationship, the key factor is compatibility, and I mean it in 'HOLISTIC' terms :)

Regards,
©anu (Exploring Myself)

LifeStyles and Relationships : 1

Disclaimer:This series of posts MAY contain some adult content. Also, though I would try to be dispassionate about my analysis and treatment of the subject, at times my views might not appear as traditional or conventional. If such be the case, I request the reader to not feel offended.


I have been recently thinking a lot about relationships...Their basic nature, types, causes, effects......and everything...

I have had thoughts hurting my head of late. Thoughts about different kinds of lifestyles, and different kinds of relationships people talk. I am not here, talking about the relationships between a family in the traditional sense. I am primarily thinking about the relationship of a man who is not related to a woman by blood. Probably, these thoughts have been lying low for a lot of time, and are a part of my evolution, my growth and metamorphosis.

Contd..... on 30.11.09

To me, a relationship is one of those few precious posessessions (I mean it....POSESSIONS! )a human being can have. A relationship is an immensely satisfying part of almost every human being's life. It's just the kind of relationship a person wants, that varies.

What varies is not the unbearable, overwhelming need to belong, but the idea of whom to belong to. In different relationships, and for different people what changes is not the place where the relationship happens, not the medium of communication and not even the distance, but the level, intensity and sense of belonging.

What changes with the couple/group involved is not the emotions or the basic elements of relationship. But, what changes is that different people treat and handle these elements differently and that is what makes these relationships unique. This is what makes these relationships so different, and so much a cause of both pleasure and pain.

I guess a few basic elements of a relationship are:

• Compatibility: emotional, intellectual, psychological, physical and of course spiritual.
• Communication: It has to be both sided.
• Compassionate Passion
• Collective efforts
• Care and unconditional Love.

These are what I call the 5 C's of a relationship. IN the next post of the series, I'll discuss these in details, with examples as I can think of that.

Till then, lots of love and regards,
Anu
©anu (Exploring Myself)

Attention v/s Information :Long Distance Relationships

I'm writing this post for a few reasons:

1. As an expression for those people who are in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR), and can't say this to their partner, for whatever reasons.
2. To understand my own prospective better about a few things.
3. To analyze and share my understanding of relationships in general. Of course my opinion may be wrong.

I have been thinking for last few days now. In Most long distance relationships, what bugs people the most is not the lack of attention. They know that their partner is around. Rather, what bugs them is the lack of information and communication. What they REALLY are interested in, is the knowledge that You're well, fine, safe, and happy.

Of course, I am not denying the fact that they aren't interested in knowing in which friends their partner met, or which party did they attend. Of course they DO want to know all that and are interested in all that. But, if You're busy, this CAN wait. But, what for most people can't wait is the knowledge that You're OK.

Let's take for an eg. a couple who's married to each other. They are in Govt. Jobs, and they would want to stay together in the same town and house. But, IF one of them is in a transferable job, and has to relocate alone, it's not always possible that his partner relocates too. There can be endless reasons for this: kids, study, business, family, dependent parents, career and what not.

Now, in a typical Indian scenario what would happen is that they would talk at least once everyday, more in times of need, or emergency. They might not talk for hours, or may just talk for a few minutes, saying...'Hey! I'm fine, I've written a long mail.I'm still in the office, and will get in touch soon'. If let's say, one person cannot call, the other would definitely check in.

Scenario no. 2. A newly wed couple: Husband finds a wonderful job in a country which has a 12 hours time zone difference, and huge calling costs. Or it could be a typical (read 'real')LDR, where in a couple explores the relationship overseas, across the 'oceans and seas' literally.

They decide that : Calling is costly, mailing is cheaper, sms is costlier than a call. So, they would mail each other, and let each other know where, how, and in what condition they are.

This is Information that keeps both reassured that the other is fine.

And THIS, I think is what most couples seek.....And This is where care and concern still remains non-interfering as long as both understand it :)

...........I've been trying to write beyond this, but I've not been able to compose any further, so posting as it is on 09.11.09

Rest till later :)

©anu (Exploring Myself)