At Peace Currently

Spoke to one of my old friends today, hadn't been speaking to him since past one and a half months.

Reason?

He thoughts that was best, and I didn't want to bug him or make him feel uncomfy, but I'm glad we spoke today. Even he called up today, and spoke for around 2 minutes.

I'm finally happy with friends around, and the depression in check. I didn't take the medicine regularly though. I guess, I can convince the Doctor to allow me to use it in SOS situation.

I finished off almost two books in past two days. I read Chetan Bhagat: The Three Mistakes of my life and almost finished reading Kiran Desai: The inheritance of Loss. Middlemarch by George Elliot is the first book that's really taken me so long to finish and am really looking forward to finish it off.

Am also studying well for my exam which adds to my sense of self esteem, and I don't think I need to change the way I speak, or the skills I have with language. Just because my language skills are more than average and I accept them, and just because I'm good at what I set my mind at, doesn't mean I'm boastful. I take them as facts, however somehow can't accept people criticising them for losses that might have been in my life.

I know people do have my best in their hearts, and I am thankful for their efforts to bring me out of certain things....but, I think, one day, I ghad to anyways move on, and so have I.

At times, my desires and longings are intense, and overwhelming, but.....1. My normal sunny season of the year is returning, and 2......... I'm working hard on it this time. This blog is not my way to portray myself to people, but rather more of a self-expression. This is a place, where I feel I can vent out my emotions, and feelings unchecked.

I have finished working on paper on the next post of Human rights, and expect to type it out in format soon. I have to soon start an article on Gandhian thought as well. I am finally looking forward to some creative and substancial writing rather than just my feelings and emotions.

Signing off for tonight with a small prayer.........

O Heavenly Father,

O Divine Mother,

Give me a speck of Your energy,

to keep myself devoted to a just cause,

which may be none, but a reflection of Your's.

Keep me on the path when I trod away from it....

The path....that You designed and determined for me.

If I budge,

bless me with strength,

or carry me in Your arms,

as You've always done.

Make me surrender to You in full wisdom and will.

Amen!

Post Script : I'm happy!!!!

I have a lot of thoughts in my mind today, racing like wild horses, but all positive in nature. So, I can't basically resist the temptation of putting them out here.

I'm positive about my mental faculties, and the level of effort I can put in. I agree, I often lack the will to put in efforts to channelise my energy well, but now my actual support circle revived, I'll be energetic again I know.

Also, looking from my past observations, June is the month when I generally start reviving from my annual depressive phase, so I know things will be going on fine finally. I am back to the 'I DON'T GIVE A DAMN TO ANYONE' mode about my decisions, choices, and career and study preferences, which I generally am at the beginning of every session. The only thing I need to do is to start getting towards the goal.

I actually got a complement today.....I'm tenacious! I know its got another interpretation as well, which probably won't show good on record, but then I was explained the context in which this was said, and coming from the one it came from, it makes me full of glee (am a big narcissist lol :) )

I have set a small target for myself today, and I WILL do it today. AT ANY COST! will disclose it once I have done it. am I sounding too energetic? Lol, its obvious! I'm happy!!!! So So happy!!!

Thank You God!!

A Small Prayer:

Lord!

Make this world a better place, for those whom we love, and those whom we can't.

For those whom we hate, and those whom we don't.

By, increasing our love for them, and reducing our hatred for them.

Lord,

Give us the love that's compassionate,

for, there are Those who don't/can't love us.

Make us thankful and not thankless.....

For there are those to whom we owe,

Those who love us, though we at times, do not love them.

Lord!

Make us not attached, merely loving.

Make us not detatched, just dispassionate.

Make us walk towards goodness,

with a smaile that may attract,

ourselves towards more, and others to You through us.

Lord!

Give us the strength,

to be happy, and to make others happy.

to be the change we want.

to be what You've destined usto be.

Lord!

Grant us wisdom,

so that we may understand Your choices and decisions better.

so that we may act to Your will.

so that we may bring more solace, to ourselves, and to others.

Lord!

Grant us love, peace, and harmony,

so that we may

reach unto You, through Your choicest sons and daughters.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)