The Ever - Changing me.....

I have changed... over the years, over last few months, few weeks, and even in the last few days. I have changed every minute of my life. And when I look back, I realize that some phases in my life have been more formulating than the rest of them.

I have been thinking since last night how every little thing influences an individual, changing them every passing moment in their lives. The friends that were valuable once, do not have any existence in life. Those who were very respected, are now hardly remembered. Those that were deeply loved, are now almost non-existent. This includes even the nearest family.

I am surprised how drastically has my understanding of good, bad, right and wrong has changed. How easy have I become to accepting things about which I wasn't flexible earlier. I notice my parents molding similarly too, my brothers, other elders, almost everyone. And which is why, when I train those youngsters, I keep reminding them.....'This will pass too!'.....

However, there's something that's remained constant......which is my faith in GOD!

It hasn't changed over the years, rather He has helped me enhance that. God has always been around like a helping hand, a savior and a guide, mentor, friend and parent. He has brought me out from the abysses of animal consciousness, and again and again too.

He has protected me from things I feared while also teaching me how to fight them. He has taught me how to survive something as good as death. He has held me when I couldn't walk, and supported me when I limped. He carried me when I was unconscious, and I know He'll do so.....as long as....I trust Him!

I know part of it sounds like a brainwash, but I guess I have my facts straight. Time and again I've indulged myself in emotional attachments, activities which were not suitable to my basic nature, and were of almost like an animal consciousness. I still do so. And, GOD DIDN'T STOP ME!

BUT, He protected me! He saved me when I wanted Him to. He brought me out of it to a consciousness higher when I prayed Him to. And prayer wasn't begging. Prayer was a straight acknowledgment of the fact that I've been doing things I shouldn't and a pledge that I shouldn't do them again. And. that was enough to evoke His love on me.

I wonder how my language has changed. There was a time when I said God's mercy. and today, its more of God's love for me, and less of His mercy. My relationship with Him has changed just like the hole lot of other things.

Lord,

Help me develop my relationship with You,

in the direction,

that would get me closer to You and Your heart(if that exists:) ).

Help me love You,

rather than fearing You.

Help me ask for Your love,

rather than asking for Your mercy.

Make me realize that YOU ALONE are worth desiring....

worth loving my Lord!

Make Yourself the Only Existent in my life...

in all forms,

in all individuals,

in all ideas,

in everything.

Make my motto .......

"GOD ALONE"

Amen.

I'm grateful to Those who've shown me the way to this Lovely Motto. specially Gyan Mata. Help me Mother :)

©anu (Exploring Myself)

1000 Views Crossed!!!

I have crossed a mark of the viewership of 1000 and my profile shows the data as around 1000 views, which I guess increases after every 10/20. And I'm just writing this post to mark the day, and the time!!!

Thank You Eternal source of all Knowledge, Love and Success!!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Purpose behind everything

I was going through the older blogger posts, and I read some of them today. I think I know that something has really struck me hard. Something that has left an impression very severely on my mind. And not just about the very good things and happenings of my life, but also the 'not so good' happenings of my life.

GOD HAS A PURPOSE BEHIND EVERYTHING!!

Yes, I know it sounds brain-washed, but its true. I look back at my life, and all through my life I see a strong conviction that my soul belongs to God, and those people who are in His loving service. Behind all my hobbies, all my desires, all my needs, want, ethics, value system and upbringing, the only purpose has been to make me someone absorptive to His eternal vibrations, and capable of serving Him better.

God made me a singer, since He wants me to sing His glories(they alone are what's worth singing). He made me an avid reader, so I could read scriptures, and know what He is, why He is and the rest of metaphysics, ethics, concepts and Vedanta (Which I hope to learn some day). He made me expressive, so that the day I preach or I write about His glories, I do it well.

All through me, He's been reflecting His glory, and I've been wasting His gifts in things not at all comparable to Him. I don't abhor myself or loathe things and activities, situations and people I've known, tried, experimented with.....I might have earlier, had I not realized the purpose behind. But the purpose was simple....To help me be convinced that in the end...all mundane things ARE temporary and useless.....

But the best part about God is that He never stops anyone from wanting or doing anything and pays them back in the same form. So, all those who wish to belong to Him EVEN ONCE, He takes them in His own shelter permanently, no matter how distracted they might get. And He loves us all!!!! He does!!!

So, here I am, thanking Him for all that He had planned, the way He constantly has protected me, and the love He has showed to me.

Lord,

Help me spread your love ,
to every soul who touches mine,
and may I still become an everlasting....
ever-flowing source of Your love,
as long as You want.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Irresistible Urge

Someone came home at around 10 : 45 and my mom woke me up to meet her up

and since then I've been awake, and now my mind is just restless. I had this strong urge to write, so I'm up again, blogging.

I have a lot of thoughts rushing through my mind. Right from my reflections from the classes I've been taking to the interactions and discussions with Swamiji.

Whilst I wish to write more about the classes, at the same time I also want to write more about the way the students reacted, and the way I responded to their queries....the kind of questions they asked....the ease with which they flew from my name to Ma'am...... I loved it when more than half said they wanted me to stretch the session longer, and even more when.... they said that they would like to discuss things with me personally.

I have decided that whilst I work on their personalities, their enhancements and their individual strengths and weaknesses, I'll work on mine too. Next full month is going to be dedicated to English and Communication and soft skills. I will try to imbibe in me the strengths and to remove from me the weaknesses or not so strong points that I have.

The only apprehension that I have is that I may find it very tedious, stressful and tiresome. I am already cranky by the end of the day now, and obviously the more the stress is, the worse my situation would be. The students are already expecting a lot from me, since they are looking forward to someone who can listen to them, while treating THEM as adults and mature individuals and with an attitude of a peer. They basically need an individual mentor with a blend of a senior adult and a friend, and I know how it feels. All, I can try doing is try and meditate and increase my meditating capacity so that I can help people better by becoming a better channel to the eternal and everlasting source of knowledge, love and compassion.

I had been thinking last few days, how my life is revolving around a certain place and a certain person in a very special manner. I have been visiting Swamiji for last few days, almost regularly and I love the sessions. I generally go there with questions in my mind, and I generally get my answers without even asking for them. He's just awesome in that sense.

He's been treating me differently on different days. The first day, he was polite, formal and yet showed a warmth. The second day when I want was a weekly off on the center, and yet he gave me time. The third meeting was the same evening, with Didi, where I knew he was talking to someone about something, but indirectly he was giving me answers. The immediate next day I went to him again in the evening, when he offered me a chair instead of a mat. This was almost an honor and an action odone on purpose, and he gave me a valid reason for it when I asked him about that.

The next two days were those days when I had constantly tried to go and visit him, and failed, and today again I went twice. Once in the morning, when there was the group talk, and I left from there, since he seemed to be busy in some administrative activities of the centre. Late, in the evening, I was unexpectedly late because of that unanticipated extra lecture by splitting the extra-large group of students who had wanted to attend sessions.

But, with his natural grace, ease and warmth he again gave me time, lesser today, just half an hour but he did, and when this time for the first time I asked him something serious, he answered in seeming riddles, which are crystal clear.

I know I'm going to visit him more often, trying to chant, meditate and do whatever I can. This time, I do want to speed up my spiritual journey and he says, one can choose the way one desires, loves and feels comfortable with. Nonetheless, he equally emphasises 'Samagna Saadhna'.

The only thing that I find worrying is my attatchment to certain things, people and situations which I know (for the better and logical reasons) are futile. However, I am not able to get rid of them, and today without asking how (though I wanted to)< he said himself that we aren't supposed to throw them away, just that we shouldn't indulge ourselves into them.


O Almighty Father,
I don't have words to offer in prayer today.
But, I have what you gave me,
I have that you made me.
I have what you want me to use,
and,
I offer to Thee,
Thy blessings and gifts,
as a token of submission to Your will and my destined path.

Give me strength O Lord,
so I may please You, as You desire, as You wish, and as best as You allow me to.

Amen!!!

p.s. It sounds something like..... (Kya mera hai jo aj tumhe de daalooon)

©anu (Exploring Myself)

22-23.06.09

went to Swamiji today twice, once in the group talk and once in the evening. Was late in the evening, so had gone to say sorry and not interact but he did give me his valuable time. He spoke to me for half an hour, and I asked him a question for the first time which he answered as I had very much expected.

I took two classes yesterday....1. regular and one workshop session with 22 students. Today I took 2 and half hours of class with different groups....One with 35 students and the other with 15. I was surprised to notice that my own batch mates were calling me Ma'am and it was seriously impressive. Also, something that made me happy that they were accepting me in the new role.

I am happy mostly, except that am very tired these days generally. Physically, mentally as well as emotionally. My struggle is getting tougher. I want to write more but am half unconscious already.

Lord,

give me strength,
help me sustain.

Amen!!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

21.06.09

was supposed to go and visit Swamiji in the group talk today, but didn't. Rather couldn't. I had felt it last evening that since I'm saying I'll come tomorrow I won't be able to. Yesterday's session had been very good, and He had given me a place equal to him, and when I asked him why did he do so, he smiled and gave me a reason too. He as usual answered unasked questions.

I gave a lecture to the third batch today, and spoke to my boss too. He said I'll need to get into some business deals of the institute too, since he thinks I'm the best person suited for the task.I know that though its an exploitation in the sense its not paid task, but I love being busy, and that's fine with me.

I've drafted a schedule today, a chart in print to help me keep track of my activities, and classes, and payments and expenses as well.

Lord,

I know that I need a Master to discipline,
But, help me to realize self-discipline,
so that,
the disciple is ready,
when the Master appears...
to make her an instrument to Your ever-loving will.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

18-20.06.09

I went to Swamiji twice on the 19th and then on the 20th. He's just awesome. I feel peaceful and Blissful when around Him. Met Didi also, and have been staying at the introducing friend's place for past 3 days. Today I chose to sleep at Home. I am regularly chanting at least more regular than earlier days.

I've been busy studying, preparing lecture notes, instructing students. Yesterday was very very busy, and that keeps me stress free and happy. Haven't heard from him since many days now, and yet it doesn't disturb me any more. I do call him as a ritual like old days as I used to which I shall do till he tells me not to.

I know I'll be frequenting Swamiji and Didi's place more now on, and my blogs will get shorter and toned differently and I'm happy it works this way

Lord,

help me fulfill the purpose of my existence.
Amen

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Bliss, Joy and Pleasure

Just like there is a three fold composition of a creature....The Gross Body, The Astral/subtle Body and the soul, similarly there are three Modes of Nature...The Mode of Ignorance, Passion and Goodness, and similar is the difference between Pleasure, Joy and Bliss respectively.

Today for a brief moment after a long time, I experienced peaceful bliss. I can't describe it. I was crying, but my mind was calm, not the usual noisy stuff.

I wish I could elaborate more on this, but I am short of words. will try some other day.

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Today

I had been busy since early morning today, and though I should have been reading/chanting/meditating/sleeping today, am here writing this blog post.....

I worked and cleaned the meditation center today with a devotee sister. Later, I went to meet 2 renunciates....a Mother and a Sanyasi (a Swamiji). The nun wasn't really happy about it, since I had intruded at a wrong time ignorantly. Lord, forgive me for I caused them trouble.

The Swamiji was very peaceful, calm, and blissful, and told me about the visiting hours, and the procedure. He asked me why was I there, to which I couldn't provide an answer. I didn't really ask him anything, and he answered each one of the questions that were boggling my mind.

I had a lot of questions in my mind, spiritual mainly in nature, and yet I couldn't speak a single word, couldn't ask him even one.
And yet as he spoke to me generally, he addressed and answered each question I had. And when I was back, he messaged the other devotee to ask her if I ha something particular in mind when I went to see him. I requested the sister to write to him, that all my questions had been answered by him already.

I was touched both by the answers and the care afterwards. I was delighted rather. Or blissful will perhaps be an even better word. All the while I had been there, I had been unable to stop tears flowing from my eyes, because I felt at home.

Lord,

I know not thy shelter,
though I crave for it.
I know not my spiritual Master,
though,
I know, I seek Him through You, and I seek You through Him.

All I know is that You always hold me when I stumble.
So hold my hand Lord,
and guide me to Yourself,
Your eternal and Universal love,
and make me an instrument, willing to be used by You.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Prayer

Lord,

Help me survive,
Help me sustain,
Help me live up to Your expectations.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

14.06.09 And 15.06.09

I have been excessively preoccupied with settling up the work situation and the regular study and chanting patterns.
I am happy God has finally made it work for me, and I have a decent source and a job, even if part time, and that's as of now a great support for me.

Yesterday I chanted 4 rounds again, and I'm glad, God made me do that too, and I also studied.

I know I sound like obsessed with the thought....God gave me this, God gave me that, and blah blah........but...... This is true, and no matter how much I might want to emphasize it, I'll never be able to do it enough...........GOD DOES IT! HE'S ALWAYS WITH US!

I read Khalid Housseini.... A Thousand Splendid Sons ..... for the second time last night, and I was surprised the way it moved me, and the way I was forced to pen down in the book itself. I will summarize the same, once I've completed the second reading. I don't get as much time these days, like I used to do in Delhi, or I'd have already been through with it.

©anu (Exploring Myself)

12.06.09 and 13.06.09

On the 11th I was better, though late night 10th I had asked him to call me, which he didn't and I was OK with it, as later I realized that I was being weak in expecting support from him, and not relying on myself. 11th I spent the whole day out roaming around with my friend, and had been sleeping every alternate night at her place. To keep myself distracted and away from excessive chatting or thinking, I adopted this method, and I succeeded once again!!

Since the day I visited the psychiatrist, I took the medicines only twice!!!! As usual, not taking medicines :|

Lord is merciful and great and helps me a lot.

12th I went to inquire about admission in MBA program to the best local B-school, and decided in favor. Was busy the whole day working on the formalities, inquiring about loan facilities, and in the end by the evening decided finally against it :)

I had somehow known that this would happen.

Today morning was very tense, in the sense that I was worried, frustrated and confused as to what to do, and I messaged him asking if he could find me some free lance work though I am trying my resources as well. But by the end of today evening, I was able to decide what I have to do, and though he didn't call me, nor I expected him to, I had waited for his phone call.

Things are getting easier on my mind, and I'm thankful to The Almighty who's helping me with it.

Thank You God!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

It sucks!

Life seriously was in a mess yesterday......rather I was. Life was fine yesterday........good even.........I had a lot of good things turning up yesterday....Three part time 2 hrs each job offers with a decent payment,in total, and yet by the evening I was damn upset, though I had spoken to him about everything and shared.

Then by the night had a quarrel with a good acquaintance and finally I decided to walk apart as a stranger. I am a non - interfering person as a friend and expect the same, and He doesn't expect any interactions on a professional basis, so we wished each other well, and left.

©anu (Exploring Myself)

A special Prayer

O Heavenly Father !
O Divine Mother !
Saints of All religions !

I bow to thee humbly in acceptance of your unceasing blessings and yet seek more blessings from You!

Lord!
Make me humble,
accepting what you grant,
and not demanding....
what I want!

Grant me O Lord!
A spiritual Master,
One who'll love me, and yet be stern.
One who'll bring me to Thee,
with Logic and yet be Firm.

Bring me to a state My Lord!
when I follow Your devoted children,
and come back to Your Home.
When I am compassionate to all,
and yet my motto becomes.....


.......God Alone!


in humble offerings to Sri GyanMata

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Morality : Source and evolution

P.S. This is a scrap that I've posted to an Orkut thread and I wished to post it here too:

For sure, there is something that has developed in humans as they have evolved from a cro - magnon to the Modern man. This is what is in discussion - Morality and the source of it.

In my opinion this is something innate. Its source is the same as the source of Human existence. Even in the carnal and non developed state humans had some codes (though unwritten/ undocumented). So, obviously all that has happened is the fact that this trait has developed.

So, the source is the same source as that of Humans themselves. Now, those who say that Humans are an original species (believing in the divine origin of world, would say that the source of morality is God Himself)

Religion in my understanding isn't the source of Morality, it is the effect of morality and a collection of codes, ethics and practices which reveal that a man considers the concept of right/wrong good/bad etc.

However, accepting the scientific thought that man has evolved from another species....... Morality still remains innate. Some traits initially shared by the whole monkey family, developed greater in man, in the form of his rational mind, and hence by this perspective, the source of morality is again innate.

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Uncertainity and Drastic Changes

I had thought that I will blog today and not yesterday. But, I had not known that I will have to be weeping early morning and listen to abuses. I am writing this post though I know I may edit or delete it later. But I need to write and I don't have anyone around me with whom I can share.

There are things which I might keep denying it in front of the world, I know they WILL remain so. But, I also know it for a matter of fact that these things have their own advantages.

I had started this post at seven thirty in the morning and paused there, saved draft and not proceed, because hardly I realized that the day had drastic changes in store.
I patched up sooner than every time. I patched up on initiative, because I didn't want unnecessary tensions for myself. I have my plate already full.

I went for the dance class and the residential camp I was supposed to have been an instructor at. I loved dancing, but again...choices......There's a spiritual and moral training camp from 14th to 21st which will cost me 1000 bucks, and the one month dance class for 600 bucks. Now I want both bad, and don't have a single penny apart from what mom gave as her contro for the dance class :))

Let's see, something will work out!!!

I've finally reduced my blog number to 2 from 9, and though it was tough parting with those posts, it was in my best interest and I'm happy, easy and manageable.

I am planning on starting a lot of series on thoughts and reading journals. preferably the first one shall be on Bhagvad Gita :)

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Racing thoughts

I had thought I wouldn't boot the system now till today evening, but don't feel like. I had lots of thoughts racing in my mind since last half an hour.....and more than that since yesterday evening. May be its the aura of my room and my home. I need to do something about this, and change the energy vibrations from negative and lusty to positive and loving.

Lusty thoughts have been hunting me since yesterday, and I am unable to resist myself from thinking about them. All, I do, is when I have those thoughts and I have to give in, as soon as I realize where am I drifting, I beg for strength from God, and till now its helping, I hope it keeps on helping.

Lord,

Keep me calm in joys and sorrows,
keep me calm in happiness and misery,
keep me serenely surrendered to You,
for......
strength, righteousness, will and courage.

Keep me willing for a moral strength Lord,
for the character,
for the divine love,
and make me ready to receive Your mercy, Love and Blessings.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Beauty Enhancement and Pampering

I went for a complete beauty Enhancement package to a nearby saloon today. Cost me around 500 of which 300 mom contributed. I also learnt the things at the same time. a hair oil massage followed by waxing pedicure and manicure respectively. to which a facial (scrub, massage and pack) followed. Then I shampooed, got my eye-brow shaped, hair trimmed, and make up done. Draped in a Saree after 4 long hours I was ready for a marriage. I have just come back from the reception.

Some would say spending so much of time was foolery on the previous night to the exam, but its okay..I'm deeply relaxed now. Happy, Pampered, beautiful.

Lord,

Make me realize Your beauty,

The Divine Beauty that is eternal and all pervasive.

That which is in.....

The Lofty Mountain peaks,

The flowing rivers and streams,

The Waterfalls, cascades, and springs.

That which is in.....

The Blue sky overhead,

The Brown earth below,

The Deep Oceans underneath.

That which is in.....

The Birds that sing,

The Animals which graze the pastures,

The Green Pastures,

The Trees that stand tall, laden with fruit,

The grass so green,

The Sun so warm,

The Moon so fair,

The Breeze so cool.

But Lord,

The Most,

Make me see the beauty....

That which is in.....

The innocent smile of innocent children,

The benign smile of wrinkled faces,

The Proud smile of beautiful women,

The Confident smile of successful men and women.

And Lord,

More than even that,

Make me see the beauty....

That which is in.......

The souls of all those and which live.

Make me see the beauty of life Lord!
Make me see the beauty of Love Lord, which comes with life and which brings life.

Love, that is both the source and purpose of life.

Make me see the beauty of Love O Loving Lord!

And.....

Make me capable of loving one and all,

Those who are Your children,

That which is Your creation.

Make me love them as a humble child of Yours Lord.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Deleting and importing another of my blogs.....

Prologue:this post consists of the six poems on my other blog..I have decided that I will gradually reduce the number of my blogs to even a lesser number and gradually delete all the rest for the sake of manageability. I had posted these few poems on that blog and am posting them all here with dates and times of older posts, and also the comments of the readers:

Monday, June 1, 2009
Poison and Elixir

Life wasn't elixir....
till You came in.....
Its poision since.....
you gave in.....

Often I think,
with some remorse....
what if life would've taken...
A different course?

What if we'd been together,
till the end!
Writing our names,
in caves and not on sands.

But, life's often,
poison and elixir both together!!
In disguise of poison.....
its pure elixir!!

Trust me!

Posted by Exploring Myself at 1:06 PM


Thursday, September 11, 2008
Cheating oneself

Life, often cheats itself.
Not because,
it wants to cheat,
or be cheated.
But, rather because,
cheating sometimes brings solace........
even though temporary.

However,
the mind,
the brain and the soul,
doesn't wish to cheat.
Cheating however, still happens,
and to an extent,
helps.
because it brings joy,
even though temporary.

Tendency to cheat,
is actually a form of,
tendency to feel comfortable.
The tendency to find things,
that you want,
that you don't get,
and that you desire with a drive.
And all that,
what is deserved but not received.....

Posted by Exploring Myself at 4:59 AM



Friday, August 8, 2008
Surrender

Surrender.....
The spirit of it........
Makes one crave for more.

Sincere and serene,
it brings peace within,
only so long its not forced by cruelty.
If consensual, and respectful,
submission helps one grow,
and in one develops all the humility.

I wish to surrender,
to someone whom I'll know deserves.
It may be God or Man,
I'm not yet sure.
But all that is wish,
is to finally strive to perfection,
and deep in my heart,
feel surrender so pure.

Posted by Exploring Myself at 4:04 PM



Thursday, August 7, 2008
Virtue and Vice

Is it Virtue?
To seek from one, who doesn't wish to give?
Is it Vice?
To take from one, who wishes to surrender?

Life,
often doesn't wish to give.
And I?
I try to snatch.
Is it Vice?
Its forced isn't it?
Is it Virtue?
Yes, if Might is Right!

Definitions change with perceptions.

And is it Vice or Virtue?
That I wish to surrender,
or that I don't wish to surrender?


Why is it that definitions change?
Why is it that perceptions change?

Perhaps because,
Times........ change and........
People.......... change.

Posted by Exploring Myself at 10:45 PM


Split me.......

Pain,
Agony,
Sorrow,
and Grief,
beyond endurance.......
Have become, an integral part of Me.

Causing me,
to split myself,
to rip myself into 2.

One that craves for it and,
one that loathes it.
One that enjoys,
one that resists and Blocks it.......

They both co-exist, and they know that they do.
I'm not a Schizophrenic yet.

But then why this...........?

Posted by Exploring Myself at 10:38 PM
Blogger chyrenselin said...

the necessity for meditation:
even a buffalo will reach its home without asking
anybody else if it is left ten kilometers away from its home.
even birds are traveling thousands of kilometers
and reach their nests every season.
but man cannot come home without asking anybody else
if he is put away from his home in an unknown place.
Even during the tsunami 2004 in Thailand you can see in
u tube
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=a-8_wEm7t8k&feature=related


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-JDJs_5kQQ

that people are standing in the shore looking at the sea which is
coming at an up normal hight without running away and escape
from the waves even ten seconds before the death.
But animals and birds have escaped from the sight even two hours
before the incident.
why?
the intuition and the subconscious mind is covered by the
mind which is highly developed by uncontrollable thinking
permanently. the mind is perpetuate. (it will be existing by itself
permanently)
an indian is thinking in indian languages and an englishman in english
and an italian in italy and so on. since the languages are easily
available to the brain it is thinking permanently without stopping
even if he wishes to stop it.
eventhough the languages are the reason for the development
of the human race in all fields since the thinking is the base of all
developments but he lost his intuitive powers since the mind is
covering the inner mind (the subconscious mind) as he cannot
stop his mind when he wishes. it becomes a curse.
now the man has lost his identity, his individuality in the midst of thoughts.
he lost himself. he lost his intuitive powers.
now the mind is like a car in an open place without any restrictions
as it can go zig zag anywhere else.
chanting any words repeatedly ( any words in any religion in any method)
will make the mind a little controlled. it is the prayer.
it is now like a train which is going in fixed rails which cannot go
here and there which is controlled by the track.
above this level comes the meditation.
in this you are not thinking anything. you are not doing anything.
you are simply sits. you are zero. it is like the car or train stopped
permanently. it is not moving. it is not going anywhere else.
nirviruthi thyan....pathanjali yoga sutra ...1.1
no mind is meditation.... .osho.
it is the brahmam of hinduism. it is the zero of budhdha. it is the zen of zenism.
it is the supersoul of christianity. it is the sufi of islam. and so on.
whatever may be the name the result is one.
anywhere in the world, anywhere in the religion, whatever may be the
approach, whatever may be the method you are reaching only one stage.
you are in total zero.
after all human beings are having only one system of brain and they
will reach only one stage. get only one result.
meditate. be zero. be happy. be in bliss.

November 20, 2008 2:57 PM
Blogger chyrenselin said...

also search http://www.ashokha.co.cc

November 20, 2008 2:59 PM


Aham Brahmasmi

Life, gives me nothing,
and I get everything.
It gives me everything,
but, I get nothing.
Perhaps, because I know, because I believe,
that everything is nothing and nothing is everything.

If cipher begins the count,
and expands..... to infinity;
nothing....... becomes everything!

If space WILL someday.....
collapse to the Black hole,
Everything WILL be Nothing then.

But,
I shall remain,
Eternal, ever existing,
and Ever prevalent;
I am,
I exist,
in.....
Whatever, I do,
I seek,
I explore,
I find.
Because.......
I AM I.
I am Brahman - The Everything!
I am I - but, just Nothing

Posted by Exploring Myself at 9:11 PM
Blogger Exploring Myself said...

Brahman in Hindu Philosophy is the eternal effulgence of GOD
August 7, 2008 11:35 PM

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Post for 4th and 5th of June

I went to a friend's place on the 3rd night after celebrations, returned yesterday morning and then went again yesterday evening.

Friend? rather an elder acquaintance. Her mom and dad were in the house too, and I've been studying. I am keen on the exam that's on the 7th and I'll be gone some days. I was there till today noon 1:00 p.m. studying, and also watching TV after months and years for a change :)

I'll now be gone till 7th evening, focusing more on last minute preparations, and shuffling of notes and solving papers.

Lord help me!

I can see, deleting and quitting IRC has immensely helped. But its my Lord's blessings that have worked really.

Lord,
keep me on the right path!
I know You love me...
and You want me to love all and one.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Looaadss of Funnnn!!! 03.06.09

Being Posted in back date:

I just love my spirits when they are like this!!! I had heeeeeeeaps of Fun!!! Today was the completion of the path. I made garlands, arranged flowers, decorated walls, sang hymns (loads of them), and was almost infectious to everyone!!!

I as infected with laughter, fun, joy, and pleasure.............No! I was infected with BLISS!!! and Go - conscious Bliss is infectiousssss!!

We had lots of guests, and they all loved it! I loved the fasting, the prasadam, the singing, the japa, the chanting, the kirtana...........practically everything we did !!! and my role in it!!!


Thank You So Much GOD!!!

Lord,
I pray to Thee,
Please keep me blissful.
Bless me with Thy Holy name.
Please keep me humble,
May we keep playing love game.

Love of a soul to the super soul,
female to the Only Male in the Creation!!

Grow my love Lord,
deep within me.
make it humble,
as pride is unbecoming.

But, Most of ALL Lord!

Keep me loyal, though I may drift,
help me grow loyal to You.
Help me be humble,
to those advanced on the path Lord!!

Help me grow and find the Bliss!!!

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

An Understanding re-imbibed

This was supposed to be written and posted on the 2nd late night. I was actually singing a portion from the Ramacharitamanas - The Daksha-Yagya Episode and Shiva - Parvati Vivaha.

How Sati argued with the Husband, Lord Shiva, went against His will, took the form of Sita, met Lord Rama, and He recognized Her, called Her Mother. How she came back to Shiva, convinced that Lord Rama was the Eternal Head of The Godhead. The way Shiva meditated and found out how she had teted Rama, and His non-acceptance of the Lady henceforth. Sati's regret!

Her hearing that Her father is organising a huge Yajna. Her request to Shiva to go there, His denial to go uninvited, Her conviction that Her dad's place is ok to go even if not invited, and Her going there. She gets agitated there to see Her Husband's place amongst all other Gods/Demigods is no where.

Her getting angry, involing Yoga agni within her and burning herself alive. Shiva's anger, His destrying of the Daksha-Yajna and going to Samadhi!!

Reincarnation of Sati as Parvati, doing Tapasya to marry Shiva, Her immense faith and devotion to Shiva, and the fact that she cannot stand any of His comparisons, and through all obstacles her marriage to Shiva.

P.S. some may find this story tough, if they aren't well acquainted with Hindu mythology. Contact me for details please

........................ This is the story............. My Understanding was thus, and that evening as I read it and sang it again, I re-imbibed the understanding as follows....

1. Husband's qualities........He should inspire His wife to a devotional Life....not lust, guide her when needed, and yet leave to her the freedom of final decision.
2. Wife's qualities......... Obedient, humble, devoted. BUT BUT BUT.............TO THE RIGHT HUSBAND........
3.Couple's qualities...... co-operative, loving and caring.



Add On:
At times it's tough to imbibe and look at religion and mythology from this point of view........ However, one has to understand the difference between the mythological stories, and the Lila and pastimes of Lord and His Devotees.

Siva is an ardent devotee of Lord Rama, while The Lord glorifies Shiva for His devotion.

Sati is here an example to how the judgment of a wise husband(its about the body, conceptually we're all souls)should be adhered to, though they may sound unpleasant.

Siva examplifies, how a husband should ultimately give a wife her space, and not IMPOSE decisions on her.

I do not see it as conservative except that it's from a religious background incident. I might not have been able to clarify everything, I wish I could do that better :)





and yes, I realised that I still LOVE singing, and showing off !!! and I love myself for the gifts God has bestowed upon me and when I can use them in His service in any form. I love myself as God's very very gifted child!!! :)

©anu (Exploring Myself)

At Peace Currently

Spoke to one of my old friends today, hadn't been speaking to him since past one and a half months.

Reason?

He thoughts that was best, and I didn't want to bug him or make him feel uncomfy, but I'm glad we spoke today. Even he called up today, and spoke for around 2 minutes.

I'm finally happy with friends around, and the depression in check. I didn't take the medicine regularly though. I guess, I can convince the Doctor to allow me to use it in SOS situation.

I finished off almost two books in past two days. I read Chetan Bhagat: The Three Mistakes of my life and almost finished reading Kiran Desai: The inheritance of Loss. Middlemarch by George Elliot is the first book that's really taken me so long to finish and am really looking forward to finish it off.

Am also studying well for my exam which adds to my sense of self esteem, and I don't think I need to change the way I speak, or the skills I have with language. Just because my language skills are more than average and I accept them, and just because I'm good at what I set my mind at, doesn't mean I'm boastful. I take them as facts, however somehow can't accept people criticising them for losses that might have been in my life.

I know people do have my best in their hearts, and I am thankful for their efforts to bring me out of certain things....but, I think, one day, I ghad to anyways move on, and so have I.

At times, my desires and longings are intense, and overwhelming, but.....1. My normal sunny season of the year is returning, and 2......... I'm working hard on it this time. This blog is not my way to portray myself to people, but rather more of a self-expression. This is a place, where I feel I can vent out my emotions, and feelings unchecked.

I have finished working on paper on the next post of Human rights, and expect to type it out in format soon. I have to soon start an article on Gandhian thought as well. I am finally looking forward to some creative and substancial writing rather than just my feelings and emotions.

Signing off for tonight with a small prayer.........

O Heavenly Father,

O Divine Mother,

Give me a speck of Your energy,

to keep myself devoted to a just cause,

which may be none, but a reflection of Your's.

Keep me on the path when I trod away from it....

The path....that You designed and determined for me.

If I budge,

bless me with strength,

or carry me in Your arms,

as You've always done.

Make me surrender to You in full wisdom and will.

Amen!

Post Script : I'm happy!!!!

I have a lot of thoughts in my mind today, racing like wild horses, but all positive in nature. So, I can't basically resist the temptation of putting them out here.

I'm positive about my mental faculties, and the level of effort I can put in. I agree, I often lack the will to put in efforts to channelise my energy well, but now my actual support circle revived, I'll be energetic again I know.

Also, looking from my past observations, June is the month when I generally start reviving from my annual depressive phase, so I know things will be going on fine finally. I am back to the 'I DON'T GIVE A DAMN TO ANYONE' mode about my decisions, choices, and career and study preferences, which I generally am at the beginning of every session. The only thing I need to do is to start getting towards the goal.

I actually got a complement today.....I'm tenacious! I know its got another interpretation as well, which probably won't show good on record, but then I was explained the context in which this was said, and coming from the one it came from, it makes me full of glee (am a big narcissist lol :) )

I have set a small target for myself today, and I WILL do it today. AT ANY COST! will disclose it once I have done it. am I sounding too energetic? Lol, its obvious! I'm happy!!!! So So happy!!!

Thank You God!!

A Small Prayer:

Lord!

Make this world a better place, for those whom we love, and those whom we can't.

For those whom we hate, and those whom we don't.

By, increasing our love for them, and reducing our hatred for them.

Lord,

Give us the love that's compassionate,

for, there are Those who don't/can't love us.

Make us thankful and not thankless.....

For there are those to whom we owe,

Those who love us, though we at times, do not love them.

Lord!

Make us not attached, merely loving.

Make us not detatched, just dispassionate.

Make us walk towards goodness,

with a smaile that may attract,

ourselves towards more, and others to You through us.

Lord!

Give us the strength,

to be happy, and to make others happy.

to be the change we want.

to be what You've destined usto be.

Lord!

Grant us wisdom,

so that we may understand Your choices and decisions better.

so that we may act to Your will.

so that we may bring more solace, to ourselves, and to others.

Lord!

Grant us love, peace, and harmony,

so that we may

reach unto You, through Your choicest sons and daughters.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)