Targets for Today: 28.12.09 - 29.12.09

Personal Study:
Marvell (summarize),
Herbert(summarize),
Jane Austen(Mansfield Park),
Emily Bronte (Wuthering Heights)

Study for tomorrow's Class :
Handouts 41/42

Study for Extra Teaching day after tomorrow:
XAT papers,
Three Chapters (Word Power made easy)
Two Chapters (Grammer)

GD/PI:
Internet,
Education System
Exams: A necessary Evil

Essays:
Day 1
Day 2

Time: 30 hours

Lessons in Life

Often, I wonder, how life teaches us so many lessons through things and events.... both small and large... It in fact, can also be something like, not looking down while walking and just slipping off, or something as grave as a failed marriage.... Life anyhow, always teaches one every time.

I also, wonder how Kahlil Gibran, Kabir and all those of the like, could accept the teachings of life so simply.... But then, isn't the question just ridiculous in itself?

They could do so, because they were who they were.... Liberated, loving souls.... Souls who had realized their purposes in life.... Souls who had.......... I don't know what !!! I'm puzzled :(

Love,

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Back!!!

Back from Delhi..... to same old routine.... Left for Delhi on Saturday night, reached Sunday morning, went to temple, met an old friend.... purchased some books and my brother's study material, followed by meeting up with some friends, and then went to see Avatar....Nice movie...... I liked it...........

Then went to the market, shopped some clothes and then finally had dinner, and some good, deep, conversation, and then they dropped me to the bus stop, and I traveled overnight to reach back home today morning....

Tried sleeping, couldn't and now proceeding to do a few chores, arrange room and then go and take the scheduled lecture.... Following which I MAY go to gym, or may be I won't....... I'm tired.

I'll then probably design out some schedule and sleep after preparing tomorrow's lectures.

Love


©anu (Exploring Myself)

Delhi............... I'm coming

Off to Delhi, Saturday night, back on Monday morning Lol:)
I wish out of my excitement, from the bus I may not fall :))

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Disclaimer :

Whatever kink, fantasy I might talk about, is not o be attributed to me as a person.... I write about them, since I find them thought provoking.

Regards,
©anu (Exploring Myself)

Spirtuality and Sexuality?

Interesting post I made elsewhere:

Spirituality, as understood by me, is being in harmony with your spiritual being... the quintessence of your personality and your real SELF. In the literal sense, it's about being in harmony with your spirit (some may call it soul), I prefer calling it spirit, since I still think that soul is sacrosanct ;)

So, back to what I was trying to think.... when one talks about one's spirituality, one is referring to the holistic nature of oneself:) Holistic as in the nature of self inclusive of mind, body, soul and heart !!

Now sexuality primarily has to do with the mind and the flesh. However, just like anything else, if You do not put your heart into it, it also fades down like almost all other things.... (most marriages that fade are a common example). However, something special about sexuality is the fact that at times, the bodily needs are so overwhelming that one might feel aroused even without a definite mental reason........ a possible reason for one night stands I guess(just a guess, I mean :) )

So, whilst sexuality is a carnal need in it's essence, we cannot deny the mental and the emotional aspects of it....

Now the question is..... what about the spirit?

Commonly speaking, many spiritual schools of thought believe that the soul(spirit) is encased in the body :) That means, to release the soul free there are two ways..... Either connect it to the space through the purest of all channels.... which most of the spiritual teachers and guides tend to guide forward to.... or........ break free your spirit, from the bondage of dissatisfaction.... the dissatisfaction of mind, heart as well as flesh... In fact, Orgasm has been many a times referred to the glimpse of bliss....

So, to me.... sexuality, definitely is a path to the freedom.... the liberation of the spiritual self.... Many wiccan and pagan religions actually have a sacred ritual of sex.... And, yes, for those whom it works...it surely does...

I guess, most of us, would have experienced a real calm and peace in a very satisfying relationship we have or probably had.... why? is it just the emotion? the social security? just the love? I doubt....

Would the relationship actually sustain and survive, if there was no free expression of any sort of erotica? I wonder....

Do You wonder too.........

©anu (Exploring Myself)

p.s.: This is also, something, I learnt from Delhi........ didn't explore sexuality, but did explore a spiritual cult there. That also was a big city's gift to me. Don't know if this makes some sense....

101st Post : Something Different : Lifestyles 1

Disclaimer :This post is actually going to shock a few people, but I do not seek to apologize for any adult content in this post. With the 101st post here on this blog, I think, this is something worth discussing. Obviously it's not politically correct, and it may shock a few people about ethics and morals that I've always believed in and lived upto. However, on a personal note, to all my real friends and well-wishers, I assure You that I am perfectly in harmony with the morals and ethics. On this note..... this post is about my thoughts on a lot of things, but primarily on alternative lifestyles, specially one of them.

**************************************
It's been quite sometime now, that I've been exploring new lifestyles, alternative lifestyles would be a good word rather. How I hit the phrase and this phase of explorations is a long story ad not suitable enough to be written right now. But definitely, what's more important is what I explored, and where it leads me to.

I started my life as pretty normal Indian girl...... specially when it comes to behavior, conducting myself in public, treatment of my friends, peers, mentors and family, and about expectations....from me and mine.

But, something good (or may be not so good) that happened in the process was the fact that free thinking was encouraged in me. I somehow always found more than women around me. Probably, I used to be intellectually stimulated by the variety in their experiences, in contrast to those of most women around me, and so were they, with my grasp, and teatment of differet and diverse subjects.

The two lonely and isolated years in Delhi, with an exposure to the so - called free lifestyle, made me realize much more than 21 years in my town had. I realized the value of what I had learnt and also of that I hadn't. I realized that I was ahead of most of my peers, but I still lagged behind many. Not because I didn't sleep around or didn't get drunk or was not in a relationship. But, because I wasn't really aware of many things that existed in the world.

And......it was then that I explored. Tried playing safe, and remaining low about it, but I did try to explore and find out things.

It was then that I explored online, read, saw, discussed, became a member of groups around me, and found out how different people look at different set of things, experience. It was then that I truly learnt to be non-judgmental !!

I started with reading the classics, moved on to erotica, finished the Kamasutra, while simultaneously exploring the online discussion forums, porn websites(yes, I did it, but as if it was a course of study). I read philosophy, erotica, psychology (normal as well what the experts had to say about perversions and psychopathy).

I discovered what was good, what wasn't so good, and what was BAD (I say BAD, because it hurt people). And then I came across the concept of alternative lifestyles!!

The few that I got a chance to explore were thus:
1. Spirituality - Asceticism, Renunciation, Week-end
2. Spiritual Sexuality
3. BDSM and Kink
4. Gor
5. Vanilla........of course this was something I already was used to.

I won't really be able to say that I've explored a lot of relationships really........... but Lifestyles ? yes !!! And in the couple of next few posts, probably I'd be discussing all of them gradually one by one.....

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Journal Update

I'm breaking the sequence in between from my posts today. Not because, I can't think of anything to write about those remaining 2 C's, but probably because this is something that's been keeping me mentally occupied for some time now.

However, defeating materialistically, it might be, the fact is I love the feel that now I'll have weekends too, without going to the University, and..........Most Importantly.......... I'll be able to write and blog and think regularly.

Also, what immensely pleases me is that I've joined the gym. Whoops!!! I love the thought of venting out all my frustration on the machines now, by working out more when I'm extra frustrated and balanced when I just want to keep myself toned up and ready.

I will also be able to write poetry, stories, and all the hell lot of things. I'll be able to read about the world's classic poets and authors and learn a thing or two about and from them!! God! How easy do I feel. I wonder if this weekend business was actually suffocating me.

I just love the feel :

Liberated :D

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Decisions

I have finally made up my mind. I am quitting the MBA program. So, now I'll be nothing extra ordinary. I'll be ordinary again, doing a Masters' degree and a job, like many people in India do, and even elsewhere for that matter.

The issue is not that I can't manage the three together, the issue is my seeking for perfection in whatever I do, failing in which, results to severe depression in my case. The choice between MA and MBA was always with MA, everyone knows this..... my family, friends, teachers and everyone else...... The decision might be utopian, but to me it sounds as the most logical and pragmatic chice.

So, going forward, I'll be studying only English........ language and literature. This somehow makes me happy :)

I am glad finally I was courageous enough to make this choice. And that my teachers, parents and even superiors at work rationally support the choice. For, though the manager might be a hard task master, he is a person who's good and sensible at heart :)

So, great going language !!!


Lord,
Thank You for making me believe in magic,
The magic of Your power....
The magic of love,
The magic of choices,
and the beauty of commitment.....

The commitment to myself,
for being true to myself,
for whatever I might seek,
in Love,
in Lust,
in Spirit,
In body mind and soul.

Help me continue sustenance Lord,
per Your choice, decisions and wants.

Amen!!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Last few days

Life has been busy like anything,
I've been trying to manage everything.
With grave depression creeping in,
I can practically focus on Nothing.

Busy life is a break from inner demons,
even if not exactly like and angle from heaven.
It cuts me off, like an isolated vessel on a shelf,
making my emotions go berserk, hurting my inner self.

.................


Lord,
help me survive,
not through control,
but through tolerance, patience........
and submission.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

A prayer long forgotten

I wrote this prayer on the 6th of June, it is still in this blog. But, I came across it, when I was just poking around my nose in the older posts, realizing the changes I've undergone, this is where I realized, I was actually thankful and willing to realize the beauty of the LOrd in every and anything :)

Lord,

Make me realize Your beauty,

The Divine Beauty that is eternal and all pervasive.

That which is in.....

The Lofty Mountain peaks,

The flowing rivers and streams,

The Waterfalls, cascades, and springs.

That which is in.....

The Blue sky overhead,

The Brown earth below,

The Deep Oceans underneath.

That which is in.....

The Birds that sing,

The Animals which graze the pastures,

The Green Pastures,

The Trees that stand tall, laden with fruit,

The grass so green,

The Sun so warm,

The Moon so fair,

The Breeze so cool.

But Lord,

The Most,

Make me see the beauty....

That which is in.....

The innocent smile of innocent children,

The benign smile of wrinkled faces,

The Proud smile of beautiful women,

The Confident smile of successful men and women.

And Lord,

More than even that,

Make me see the beauty....

That which is in.......

The souls of all those and which live.

Make me see the beauty of life Lord!
Make me see the beauty of Love Lord, which comes with life and which brings life.

Love, that is both the source and purpose of life.

Make me see the beauty of Love O Loving Lord!

And.....

Make me capable of loving one and all,

Those who are Your children,

That which is Your creation.

Make me love them as a humble child of Yours Lord.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Lifestyles and Relationships : 3

• Communication: It has to be both sided.

When I talk about communication, what I mean is definite conveying of information, emotions and thoughts. And IT HAS TO BE BOTH SIDED period.Any relationship...... vanilla, kink, alternative lifestyle, or may be just a friendship or a relationship with one's kith and kin, communication is the key. Not all of us are mind readers. Most of us are people who do not often understand what the other person is thinking, though we might have a feeling or a hunch.Also, though we all say that one shouldn't be selfish and expect a lot from a relationship, we all know it as well for a matter of fact, that we DO EXPECT something from these relationships.

While in communication, the medium is important, I believe that what's more important is the regularity, order, and intensity of communication. This depends on various factors, and varies from couple to couple.

Some, people are okay with communications across weekends, other require it to be daily/once in two days. There are some others, who prefer it daily from one side, and others who prefer it one sided regularly, but less frequent from the other side.

For some, it's enough to know the well being, for others it's important that they share details. Sometimes, the communicative expectations differ between the two partners. For eg. One of them might be over expressive, requiring regular re-assurance and communication, while the other one is comparatively less communicative.

Situations like these might create complications if not resolved properly and in time. However, I'm not trying to say that they are unresolvable though.

I started this post on the 3rd, changed it to the 4th and am completing it on the 7th. I know,. this isn't a perfect post, but what ever came to my mind, I just completed.

But, so long, so far, it's OK.

© anu (Exploring Myself)

Today : 5.12.09 Monotonous and irritating

Today was a hectic day. Couldn't sleep till 3a, last night. Woke up at 6:30a, struggled to start my scooter, kicked it around 50 times, had to inform my manager that I may be half an hour late, and then called the office boy to give the students some papers to solve, while I traveled in a local conveyance.

But, fortunately, bro woke up, kicked it a couple more times till the scooter finally started and I ended up 10 minutes late, but definitely not 30 :)

Taught from 7:30a - 12p. Looked after a bit of official documents, handed over the cash, my colleague had given me before leaving, and the keys as well. Reached University at 2p, studied a bit (the teaching as well as my syllabus material).

It so happened that I forgot to eat anything today till it was 6.30 p, and I had to leave for home from University. The scooter was cranky again, and no one else was around, they had left together (all of them are guys). It was dark, I was alone and afraid. This scooter needs to be dumped now. Does nothing except drinking petrol.

I dragged it to the main University gate, and tried to restart once more before giving up, which finally worked. Reached home around 30 minutes ago....Its 8p now..... will head off to sleep probably.


© anu (Exploring Myself)

Prayer in Solitude

Lord,

Solitude....
sometimes chosen, sometimes not.
But, why did You tie it with me,
when it brings me to naught?

A question I ask,
not in insolence in the least....
You made me a human,
but with SOME instincts of a beast.

And, if beast I had to be,
then why not make me gregarious.
Why make me lonely,
and not jocular and hilarious.

Why did You want me,
to be over sensitive O Lord!
Sure, You DO know that,
sincerity is a both sided sword.

Lord,
give me sincerity,
to take things seriously.
But,
Please.....
give me some space,
to flutter and at times fly free.

Help me see and overcome my fallacies.
Guide my vision, beyond the galaxies.

Make me nothing, but a toll of Your will.
Pull me along, while climbing uphill.

Make me nothing, but to myself and others true.
Lord, help me prove, I'm but a part of You.

Amen!!

© anu (Exploring Myself)

Today

I woke up at 6:30a, reached work at 7:30a, taught till 9:30a, read Your mail, briefly replied, worked some more helped some students fill up their applications with different B-schools.

Reached back home at around 1 p. Did a whole lot of dishes, almost every single dish was in the sink....mom had gone to a funeral.

Brother suffered from a severe pain in urinary bladder..... He has a stone again, in fact two..... one in the kidney and the other in the bladder.Dad took him to the doc, called up mom who joined them at the hospital. His pain is less now, and he's back to his studies and work.A colleague is going on a long leave..........

That's all for now..... didn't study for exam, not even for the lecture, and no spirituality either.

Life is busy, monotonous, but easy..... at least my thoughts aren't heavy.... as of now.... no cravings, no needs, no overwhelming desires, nothing !!!

Lord,
Thank You for giving me dishes to clean...
for that means, there was food,
and more than that,
there were mouths to be fed,
loved and cared for.

Amen!!



© anu (Exploring Myself)

CAT: The actual experience

Here's my experience.....

Staff: well trained and co-operative.
Mobile/Wrist watch packet deposition facilities : available

I reached the center half an hour prior to the scheduled reporting time, since I'd apprehensively left early for the test center: just in case.

We were allowed to move in with our admission letter, CAT Voucher and Photo ID at around 2:00 p.m.

Security and personal scrutiny was done in a thorough yet polite manner. Loose cash was allowed as long as it was not in the wallet. Wrist watches, mobile phones and any pen, pencils the students might have carried in pockets, were kept in similar pouches, tags allotted.

Once inside, we had our biometrics captured. So, by the time every one was done with it all, it was 3:00p. We were allowed a 5 minutes break within the secured area, for water or to use rest room.

The staff intimated us about the QUIT and the END button........ and the other basic operations even before the tutorial. They were co-operative, in fact One of them actually tried to see if something could be done to help a local candidate who hadn't got His original ID,and just an UNATTESTED Xerox. I actually saw her calling up 5 different people, including pro metric people, if something could be done to save the student from being sent home without attempting the test.

Eventually we were allowed to use the tutorial, and then start the tests.

The exam went good and smoothly. I could relate to most questions as being related to concepts being taught in classes and handouts.

All in all, guys though I didn't fare exceptionally well, (well of course, but not exceptionally) I can assure something...... If You've done Your handouts, sectional tests and MC's, RCT's, AIMCAT's well,(the key word is: If You've been regular and thorough round the year) You'll find the paper a child's game.

But then, it would vary with individuals and their personal experiences.

The paper was over in the scheduled duration, and we were allowed to leave. There were no technical glitches, except for a restart or two at the very beginning of the test, so no one really panicked or anything.

Brother came to pick me back very late after the exam, and co-incidentally the exam had gotten over before the expected time. So, I -DID- panic after the exam ;)

This was the way things went.... My thoughts later.....Reached the town pretty late.

Regards,
Anu

D-Day - CAT 2009

I'm going to write The prestigious(not so prestigious) CAT exam today. After teaching the morning class, I'll depart from the Institute directly to the bus stand with my Younger brother, and then proceed to Jaipur for the exam.

My prime objective is to attempt the English section, and then try attempting as many questions from the other sections as possible. Had it been not for my job, and the double PG's I'm doing, I'd probably have looked into it more seriously and as an aspirant. Now, I AM an aspirant, but a non-sincere one :(

God help me.

Lifestyles and Relationships : 2

• Compatibility: When I talk of Compatibility, I mean by it, all sorts of compatibilities..... emotional, cultural, moral, intellectual, psychological, physical and of course spiritual.

To elaborate let's assume an example.... If I'm in love with a person and seek to get into a relationship with him, I'd look into a lot of things. (here, I'd be specifically considering an amorous relationship). Is he an Indian? If yes, then is a broadminded Indian or a narrow - minded one. As in, does he believe in the orthodox practices or does He believe in the flexibility of people at different places and times?

I'd consider, If he's not an Indian, then what culture is he? am I comfortable with his culture? If yes, do we agree on the dress sense in general, do we agree on our public behavior, is a voyeur or an exhibitionist? If yes, am I the same? Do I like the same activities as he does, if not, can I bring myself to enjoy his chosen activities, and he mine?

There are of course, exceptions to these rules, depending on the kind of lifestyles people live in. For eg. If it were a M/s lifestyle or a D/s lifestyle, probably it would be only one person wanting to adjust. But even there, vanilaa elements do occur. However, if the relationship was a vanilla relationship purely, probably both would adjust.

So, this involves a whole lot. What if I'm a staunch Hindu and He's a Christian or may be plain agnostic, sceptic? May be I believe in over charity and he doesn't ! May be he's extrovert, part-animal, I'm a recluse! May be he likes living in dark rooms and I prefer bright, sunny rooms. May be He's corpulent, huge! I am skinny..... we have all seen relationships fall apart at times with drastic changes in the external persona. At least I have ! So, if You two people are going to eventually live together, please..... I advise You unsolicitedly......think before You decide!!

This having been said, let's have a look at the general (NON-AMOROUS) relationships. If we look at the set of our friends, often we find that we have many subsets amongst the set of friends whom we group together. For an example, I might have a small group of friends who goes with me to the music class. We all enjoy good music, sing well, share audios and videos etc. But, may be I do not like a certain person personally, because of her/his wiered dressing sense :|

Of course, I wouldn't go to shop clothes with the same person. At the same time, may be I won't exchange a musical CD with someone who helps me choose my clothes. My writer friends might not accompany me to lunches because they are non-vegetarian, and prefer different joints, while my colleagues may be my friends at work, and yet not my companions on a night out.

So, You see, it VARIES! Like I said before, (or may be I didn't : ) )we as human beings are open loop limbic systems when it comes to our emotions, feelings and interpersonal interactions. It's not my circulatory system that wouldn't depend on the other person's. It's my thought process, my aura, my emotional sensitivity and whole lot of stuff.

So, on an end note for this post.... I believe that for the success of any relationship, the key factor is compatibility, and I mean it in 'HOLISTIC' terms :)

Regards,
©anu (Exploring Myself)

LifeStyles and Relationships : 1

Disclaimer:This series of posts MAY contain some adult content. Also, though I would try to be dispassionate about my analysis and treatment of the subject, at times my views might not appear as traditional or conventional. If such be the case, I request the reader to not feel offended.


I have been recently thinking a lot about relationships...Their basic nature, types, causes, effects......and everything...

I have had thoughts hurting my head of late. Thoughts about different kinds of lifestyles, and different kinds of relationships people talk. I am not here, talking about the relationships between a family in the traditional sense. I am primarily thinking about the relationship of a man who is not related to a woman by blood. Probably, these thoughts have been lying low for a lot of time, and are a part of my evolution, my growth and metamorphosis.

Contd..... on 30.11.09

To me, a relationship is one of those few precious posessessions (I mean it....POSESSIONS! )a human being can have. A relationship is an immensely satisfying part of almost every human being's life. It's just the kind of relationship a person wants, that varies.

What varies is not the unbearable, overwhelming need to belong, but the idea of whom to belong to. In different relationships, and for different people what changes is not the place where the relationship happens, not the medium of communication and not even the distance, but the level, intensity and sense of belonging.

What changes with the couple/group involved is not the emotions or the basic elements of relationship. But, what changes is that different people treat and handle these elements differently and that is what makes these relationships unique. This is what makes these relationships so different, and so much a cause of both pleasure and pain.

I guess a few basic elements of a relationship are:

• Compatibility: emotional, intellectual, psychological, physical and of course spiritual.
• Communication: It has to be both sided.
• Compassionate Passion
• Collective efforts
• Care and unconditional Love.

These are what I call the 5 C's of a relationship. IN the next post of the series, I'll discuss these in details, with examples as I can think of that.

Till then, lots of love and regards,
Anu
©anu (Exploring Myself)

Trying to calm myself

Lord,

I complain, I fret.
I toil hard, covered in sweat.
To make things right,
when I'm not in control.
To reduce my plight,
when I can't resurrect my heart and my soul.

Distressed with the world,
troubled with my feelings....
I wish I would die..
But, then I think...
I must be fair in dealings,
shouldn't make loved ones cry.......

can't continue...... can't think further..... will continue and write when I can.
30.11.09...

Amen!!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

The pirates' Song

The king and his men,
Stole the Queen from her bed,
And bound her in her Bones,
The seas be ours,
And by the powers,
Where we will, we'll roam.

Yo Ho, haul together,
Hoist the colors high,
Heave Ho, Thieves and Beggars,
Never Shall We Die!

Some men have died,
And some are alive,
And others sail on the sea,
With the keys to the cage...
And the Devil to pay,
We lay to Fiddler's Green!

The Bell has been raised,
From it's watery grave...
Do you hear it's sepulchral tone?
We are a call to all,
Pay heed the squall,
And turn your sail toward home!

Yo Ho haul, together,
Hoist the colors high
Heave Ho, Thieves and Beggars,
Never Shall We Die!



Source: Pirates of The Caribbean at The world's end.

I like the music, though not essentially the lyrics.... But I like the two lines.....Heave Ho, Thieves and Beggars,Never Shall We Die!

Love,
Anu

I am but a part of You

I look at the sky,
the roof so high,
spread equally over head,
hiding the cosmos shy.

I look at the earth,
the Terra firma.
spread beneath the feet,
vast hiding lava and magma.

I view the oceans,
spread vast and beyond.
with water unrestrained,
hiding... of tears and salt.... a bond!

I wonder where on this vast land...
A tiny speck like me has a stand?
I realize, I'm but everywhere,
as long as I care, as long as I share.

I'm nothing and
None the less a being divine too,
for Lord, I'm nothing,
I'm but, a part of You.



©anu (Exploring Myself)

A long Prayer

O Lord,

I am here,
bringing myself to thee,
in submission to thy will.
But, heavenly Father,
They say that You alone are the father to Your children,
and hence desires if any,
must be expressed to You, and
be granted by You.

Lord,
In this world,
I come across different people,
who treat and understand things differently.
I come across those,
full of purity,
and those full of impurities too.
I understand purity and impurity are relative O Lord!
And, that You love all Your children equally.

But, should the children err,
what their fate shall be no one knows.
No one except...
You divine Father!

I pray to thee........
to make me see...
what I must,
what You wish for me.

Help me judge Your designs O Lord!
Not so that I may become a seer,
but so that I may love,
and not fear.

Lord!
make me believe in knowledge granted by You,
and make me seek the truth, if for just moments a few.
For, the truth delivers,
and ignorance is not bliss.
And to fully surrender to a Master,
One must understand the designs that are His.

This prayer, I bring to Thee Lord,
Through the souls You've delivered,
Through Your disciples who sought You,
and finally found You.

Deliver me from evil.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Pic that represents freedom

yes!!! here's the link for the pics... http://www.jonathonart.com

Prayer of serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

In loving memory of
Fr Bertram Griffin -- 1932-2000
Requiescat in Pace

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6



This is a wonderful prayer one of my friends had forwarded to me. I thank her very much :)
And, here's mine:



Lord,
Grant me strength,
humility and desire,
to bring necessary changes,
and to avoid those that may hurt others.

Grant me Your love,
that I may share it with those around me O Lord!

Amen!!

Attention v/s Information :Long Distance Relationships

I'm writing this post for a few reasons:

1. As an expression for those people who are in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR), and can't say this to their partner, for whatever reasons.
2. To understand my own prospective better about a few things.
3. To analyze and share my understanding of relationships in general. Of course my opinion may be wrong.

I have been thinking for last few days now. In Most long distance relationships, what bugs people the most is not the lack of attention. They know that their partner is around. Rather, what bugs them is the lack of information and communication. What they REALLY are interested in, is the knowledge that You're well, fine, safe, and happy.

Of course, I am not denying the fact that they aren't interested in knowing in which friends their partner met, or which party did they attend. Of course they DO want to know all that and are interested in all that. But, if You're busy, this CAN wait. But, what for most people can't wait is the knowledge that You're OK.

Let's take for an eg. a couple who's married to each other. They are in Govt. Jobs, and they would want to stay together in the same town and house. But, IF one of them is in a transferable job, and has to relocate alone, it's not always possible that his partner relocates too. There can be endless reasons for this: kids, study, business, family, dependent parents, career and what not.

Now, in a typical Indian scenario what would happen is that they would talk at least once everyday, more in times of need, or emergency. They might not talk for hours, or may just talk for a few minutes, saying...'Hey! I'm fine, I've written a long mail.I'm still in the office, and will get in touch soon'. If let's say, one person cannot call, the other would definitely check in.

Scenario no. 2. A newly wed couple: Husband finds a wonderful job in a country which has a 12 hours time zone difference, and huge calling costs. Or it could be a typical (read 'real')LDR, where in a couple explores the relationship overseas, across the 'oceans and seas' literally.

They decide that : Calling is costly, mailing is cheaper, sms is costlier than a call. So, they would mail each other, and let each other know where, how, and in what condition they are.

This is Information that keeps both reassured that the other is fine.

And THIS, I think is what most couples seek.....And This is where care and concern still remains non-interfering as long as both understand it :)

...........I've been trying to write beyond this, but I've not been able to compose any further, so posting as it is on 09.11.09

Rest till later :)

©anu (Exploring Myself)

All alone : A small prayer for patience

Lord,

Help me realize what You seek from me.
To be able to survive lonely,
all alone.

Give me strength to fight my need for reassurance.
The need for submission, Lord!
Let it be gone.

Bring me to the world of reality,
cruel, harsh and unpleasant though.
There's always a difference between what we seek and get,
The small difference Father!
Let me know.

Wisdom to change things,
the way they should be...
To change them,
when the time is right...
Grant me divine!
The will to accept,
those that I can't change..
with all my might.

Make me patient,
with those I care for.
And with those who're neither my friends...
Help me realize,
Love requires me to wait,
and worthy display patience and passion's blends.

Make me care for others Lord!
without being possessive for them.
Let me realize, they know the best,
and that You care for all of them.

Help me struggle,
with my concern and impatience,
in spite of the immense love,
with all might,
at all times,
and All Alone!!!

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Miracles

Miracles....
of love,
are immensely beautiful,
and wonderfully precious....

They however aren't always pleasant,
but at times bring love through hurt.

And, yet every moment in life,
is nothing,
but a moment of truth,
of magic,
A True Miracle!

Lord!
Help me see the omens of my life,
Help me move....
towards the destination...
You alone could have designed for me.

Help me realize,
that unless I cause harm,
All of my wishes and dreams,
are my arms...
In the battle of survival,
between Bliss and Grief.

Lord,
make me move ahead,
every moment, every day...
Towards the destination of service,
through humility's way.

Give me strength,
to change the things that I can.
And more to accept,
those that I can't.

And amidst the tears that silently flow,
of heart-ache and quiet pain...
Let my face reflect, learning's glow,
and let knowledge be my gain...

Lord, help me experience both sorrow and joy,
Wisdom from grief, and bliss to enjoy....
Give me the capability to share O Lord!
If I cannot break free from attachment's cord.....

Help me cause some miracles please!
In my demise I may smile with ease,
Glad to make some one feel loved,
With the mind firm, but heart gloved.

The miracles of love and beauty,
may they exist forever.
May Humanity succeed...
in Love's endeavor.


This I ask in Your holy name.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Prayer: Failures and Success...confusion

Lord,
Guide me through the times,
both tough and easy.
Through times, when I do not know
what to ask of You, my Lord......

Amen!!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Diwali celebrations begin

Then decorated the floors with designs and patterns (Alpana and Maandana). I made several of them with washable colors, since they have to be kept for no more than 4
days. And definitely I wouldn't want the marble permanently colored :) But all the stairs
and the floors of course are looking very nice.

Today I'll do the glass sticking so that the light from lamps is reflected at each step,
and the home would light up excessively well today.I love Diwali, if not for anything
else, for the fact that it lets me use a lot of my creativity in the aesthetic sense.

Tomorrow would come the rangoli.......more lamps today and tomorrow. Of course tomorrow also would come the crackers.... most of them would not be bombs, and hence no noise, rather just firecrackers will loads of sparkles :)

©anu (Exploring Myself)

The festive spirit of man

The festive spirit of man is one of his basic instincts, both at the levels of flesh, mind as well as soul. Festivals satisfy, that deeply embedded need of joy, pleasure, merriment and enjoyment of which, the basic is in the need and requirement for bliss....

Sukhavasane idamev saaram.... This small Sanskrit phrase can be interpreted in many ways...In the end of joy, this is the conclusion, or that...the death of a human being in joy and pleasure is the only conclusion... can be the other interpretation.

Its surprising to note how infectious this festive spirit can be, and for a heart broken, how equally devastating can it be as well.

The best part about it however, is that, it lets man be in touch with his surroundings, in harmony with culture, environment, society, internal pleasure, celebrations, and even environment as in scientifically.

For eg. Diwali is one such festival...
Spiritually:it signifies the triumph of truth,
Mythologically:The return of Rama, back to His Home,
Socially: The festive spirit of man, and his keeping in touch with friends and family
Culturally: the lighting of lamps to destroy the darkness
Environmentally: The destruction of pests and insects by the process of white-washes...etc....

Not to say of course, that the festival equally affects the economics of the country and the politics (specially when it is governed by the religious sentiment of the people), as well.

This is a typical example of how a festival permeates its essence in all aspects of human life, and how it portrays the all-pervading festive spirit of human beings.

Till later,
Love

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Brida

The conflict of finding two soul mates in life is immense and devastating.... specially for One who'd weak of mind, and more than that, unsure of heart. Not an easy decision it would be, if Brida would have to choose. But she just didn't have to. She had been following what she had heard her heart saying. But, tough, yes it definitely was, for the wizard who loved her.

Older to her by a number of years in age, experience and tradition, he knew he was her soul mate and just the vice-verse too. But, he chose to wait, and eventually lose, and yet be happy. I cannot explain ho many times have I wept while reading this book by Paulo Coehlo!

I don't want to delete this post right now, and would rename it/reform/edit it, once I can re-organize my thoughts.

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Loneliness: need family

I know what a responsible, educated young woman.... or rather young lady means. But, the fact is I seek to have a family of my own. I wish I wouldn't have to worry about any sort of contributions, any sort of responsibility, and any sort of maturities.

Sometimes I think... Is money this important ? And, then I look at various examples of peopl and their lives all around me, to think that money IS definitely important. But there's something more important than that! Which is the sense of belonging. And we can't generate this sense of belonging. It has to come from within. I can very well imagine that I belong to some place, some people, a family or a group of friedns. But, the fact is that I still am lonely.... utterly, absolutely Lonely!

This sort of loneliness exists when the expectations in a relationship are higher than can be fulfilled or satisfied. Also, this sort of loneliness is there when we try to convince ourselves about the fake realities. Or, may be this is JUST my problem and nothing generic. Because, somewhere deep down in my heart, over the years, I have begun believing that this world is temporary, while soul is eternal, and hence I need things that are permanent too, and not those that are transient. Things and people or relationships, all mortal, wouldn't be able to satisfy me as something eternal would.

And yet, seeking eternal love or an eternal relationship, right from heaven, doesn't seem/isn't possible. Rather what seems possible is just being lonely and dead. Or else, to suffer amidst the numerous relationships across different births.

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't spiritual or even aware of the word spirituality. Specially when the desires of flesh overwhelm me. To avoid/pacify these desires, I've tried...........what not? Relationships (rather the idea of being in relationships), friendships, family relations, ergomania, literature, hobbies, meditation, going out and culture and what not!!
The result?
Nothing seems to work!
Reason?
They too aren't permanent!

Now the crux of the problem is that I need things and people who'd stay longer than any thing, and I get what's just momentary. So what should I do? Should I become a renunciate? NO, because I'm submissive but not 'that' submissive. I've never been able to submit my soul to any rituals, practices or anything except the true force of this universe. The cause behind all causes. The "Sarva-kaaran-kaaranam" ! In different forms, shapes, with different names and what not.

I need God........ but the trouble is.. I need Him in the human form, something of my personal incarnation. I do not need anything less than a Master. But a Master, not of my flesh or mind alone. A Master, who would guide my soul on its path, and yet accept that He doesn't own my soul. I sometimes think I need a spiritual Master. But, the trouble is that I can't be bound to a hard and fast set of rituals and practices. And that also, I CANNOT DENY the desires of flesh. I can definitely subside it to some extent, and to suppress it when important, but I cannot JUST forget them.

Solution......... get married? Yes perhaps, but then the duties and the obligations call!
I wish I could just let my mind not think about any of this stuff, and let my destiny shape what I desired.

Lord,
You who have given me the mouth,
Are One who feeds me!
And I ?
I desire things different than those You give me.
Help me desire only which I deserve Lord,
and grant me that I deserve, if so You please.
Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Vaccum: the soul v/s the mind and heart

I am suffering from another of my vacuum pangs........ those pangs of the typical bipolar depressive phases. I am trying to absorb myself in work, even extra work, even that which doesn't bring me any benefits, neither monetary, nor intellectual or educational.

A part of me is cribbing about the extra work, but the fact is that the extra work exists because I agree to its existence. If I deny doing some work, no one can force me to do it, but the fact is that I do not want to deny it either. Why? because I know, if I stay back at Home, I'll have those bouts of a quarrelsome mood, and a very negative attitude. So, its better I work.

This vacuum seems to be more of an emotional and psychological nature rather than being that of a physical or materialistic nature, though the precipitating causes can be something as simple as .............why did a friend not pick my call just when I called, or why did mom not cook a certain vegetable, or why wasn't my printer functioning (though it now is).

Lord,
Help me sustain,
Help me survive.
Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

The god of Earth

If to walk amongst us He chose,
it would be profanity. Some might say this.... but I guess thats not true.

If He stood high above, He could instill fear and not love, and then
one fine day....... He'd cease to be true.

For the fear of God, is not what humans need..... they long for an
entity, loving in deed.........

Thus, only when He walks the earth, shall He be the Real God!!!

Prayer:

If You are thee,
Please show me thyself.
For, I do not understand You,
but I wish to feel You,
and thenceforth always love You.

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

About Ourselves : Do we share?

I've been thinking about writing on this since a long time now. The question I have is... do we share? If yes, with whom and how much? and why? I have this knack of thinking in terms of my 5 W's and 2 H's. SO For this too :)

The question is.... DO we share?

and the answer is....... Most of us DON'T!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

I wish

My thoughts are very disoriented today, and I wish I could reorganize them

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Mai Nadiya Fir bhi main pyaasi.........

Loneliness looming over me..........
I stand all alone,
on the other shore of the river of live,
O traveler!
When would you come?
I wish you'd do that soon!!!

This is the closest I could get to the translation, and whilst I write this.... I am sick and tired of my life. Why, I wish I could put in words, and explain.....

Lord,
Grant me sustainance!

Amen

©anu (Exploring Myself)

I am who I am

I have beeen thinking last few days about who and what type of an individual am I. I sometimes feel that I am what the reality is... and at others what my fantacy is.... While I am both a slave and a tyrant when I read a medieval story, I am the white wizard if it comes to the wizard fantasy fiction. I am both a dragon slayer and a dragon ride, I am both Brida and also the magician. I am also Athena, as well as her teacher.

All these traits do not mean that I'm losing my mind, or that I do not know who I am, or that I have become Don Quixote who's lost in a world all unreal. The only thing this means is the fact that this world is just not the right for me. I picture myself as one who would design all these charachters. When I read these books, I live each of these charachters. There haven't been few days after I read Don Quixote that I worried I might once become like him. But, I somehow knew that I'd not be able to.

The only fact is that I wish to be larger than life. Though I do not underestimate myself, I know that real heroes turn out to be heroes, not because they are larger than life, but because they live each moment with all the passion and intensity they have. However, I wish to be who I am, a sensible human being, and yet in some way a woman whom the world might call Heroine.

I know my struggles are neither large nor small. They are just my share of all the struggles that people have to suffer. I also know that there's nothing like the best hero or the one and only hero. All the heroes who live life the way they should are sung of, and even the singing is not important. One does not need a saga written in one's name to be remembered, one just need the acceptance of oneself in one's times and by one's people, and perhaps that's what I crave for, in all the different roles that I read of, and that I can think of.

I have a whole lot of thoughts muddled in my mind right now, and in order to rearrange them, I'll take a break, and rest my fingers that have been typing for last 10 minutes incessantly.

Till then......

I am who I am!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Update

I have been very busy last few days. Last few days, the work load has increased and so has the stress of study. I feel very surprised at the way life has changed drastically. I do not understand what had brought this change so soon or so sudden. Or may be it wasn't sudden but was gradual, just that I didn't find time to reflect, ponder or dwell on it. My vocabulary has changed, while Hindi is gradually going for a toss.

I do not understand why have my personal temperaments changed too? Three days ago, I did something, I shouldn't have. Why? I felt an immense need to. However, if I repeat that same activity, I know I'll grow addicted.

The loneliness is growing high, and the fact is that I do not tend to realize the hit just because I do not find time to dwell on it. I do not understand what would happen if I wouldn't be so busy with two postgraduate degrees and a hell lot of work. But, the most troublesome of all is the fact that it's taking toll on my health, both physical, mental and emotional. More than I had really expected. Today even ^^^^^ ^^^ said that he feels I'm probably taxing myself too much. But the trouble with me is that academic bent of my mind. The trouble is my stubborn nature and the headstrong attitude.

For now, I have only three primary goals. To perform well as a trainer, and to constantly improve. To be a perfect sample of an efficient and effective student, and more than anything..............to keep myself safe and sane emotionally, physically and mentally. I know its going to be very tough, BUT I want to do it!!

Lord,
Grant me strength...not to win...but to fight !
Grant me wisdom....not only to learn...but also to share !
But more than anything Lord,
Grant me....... Sustainance!!

Amen!


©anu (Exploring Myself)

Why?

Why do I want to be a teacher? Or is that I really want to be a teacher? The answer is Not really. I want to be an educationist. I do not want to just teach. I also want my discretion in what to teach, and how to teach. My methodology is something I want to design myself.

Also, things that are often taught in the curricula have got nothing to do with the real things that should be learnt. Rather, they should be re framed, redesigned.

Rest....later....

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Birthday Vacation

I know I sound eccentric at times, but I took up a two day vacation from work, studies and everything, which is going to extend till today later in the noon, approximately 12 hours from now. I am joining work again at 3:00 p.m. today, and what did I do last 2 days? Absolutely nothing except, reading, sleeping, writing emails and eating a little.

I have been worrying about a few things which I had of late stopped fretting about. However, I feel, I cannot resist being what I am, and that when I have excessive love accumulating in myself, I become all the more tensed up, troubled, and disoriented. But, I know this as a matter of fact.

I know about my bipolar issues as well, and I also know that I persist every time, because God helps me. He helps me sustain. I finished six books, fiction mainly. I re-read The Witch of Portobello. I'm on my way to the 6th new fiction in last two days, and I know that by the time I return to work tomorrow, I'd be done with this one, and a non- fiction to go along with it.

I am just desperately waiting for my MBA study material, which I shalll get most probably by the 1st of August, and that shall be the relieving part, getting me into the proffessional student mode once again. I also need to focus on the other degree I plan to do simultaneously.

I am simply happy at the good oppurtunity of having 3 full years at my hand, which I wish to use most judiciously and meticulously. I wish to real a lot of books, update and build up my general awareness and general knowledge along with the current developments in all major aspects of human life. This of course, has to be in addition to my studies for my dual degrees, and my job. I know its going to be pressurising, but I guess God this time wants me to do it, or he wouldn't have helped me developed the wonderful reading speed I have and the understanding that I gain in a subject (comparative of course). Though I'm not a perfect individual, I know I'm a good learner, and I wish to be a perfect one!

Lord,

Grant me ability to put in effort.

So that,

I may learn what is intended for me.

So that, I may fulfill my destiny on this earth,

and be a well-guided instrument at Your hands.

May I never lose my humility Lord!

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Happy B'day !!

Happy B'day to me!
Happy B'day to me!

Happy B'day, Happy B'day,

Happy B'day to me!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Ramblings irrelevant

Tomorrow is my b'day! I've been musing about this since days now. People are probably going to celebrate it today, since I am not going to work for the next two days. In fact, I am not going anywhere. I have decided to stay home and finish off some pending reads now. Both fiction and non-fiction.

However, its my b'day wish that I could earn more, so that I could buy more books and read more. Reading, of late has become almost an obsession. I know now what do the terms bibliophile and bibliomaniac mean :D

I have also been thinking about the EQ that I have. One thing that I have immensely gained from these workshops that I have recently conducted is that I love teaching. And another is more about my emotional quotient. It is about the way I think, feel and react towards things and incidents and people.

I was working on this post in the morning, when my internet connection got poofed off. I have been thinking what makes an individual the way he/she is? What makes some people different from most others drastically? To what extent is the human mind trainable?


©anu (Exploring Myself)

The Prayer of a student:

O Lord!

grant me the wisdom,

to travel the roads,

of learning, knowledge and wisdom,

under guidance and mentorship,

with complete humility.

Grant me not.....

that I may be over confident of my knowledge,

but that I may be confident of,

my submissive desire to learn....

From those,

who've already travelled the roads,

from those who haven't.

From those at the destination already,

and from those who haven't yet.

Lord,

grant me the desire,

the will,

and the ability to learn.

From,

everyone,

who crosses my way,

and from everything,

with each passing day.

This I ask thee Lord!

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

I am Enjoying myself !

Seriously!

I am busy with teaching again, and this time something and to students of a level that I always wanted to. I just love this!

I'm busy posting on forums, and helping people with their personality types. Also getting registered in an executive program for MBA. Simultaneously in MA too. I like this hectic and busy schedule most of the times, except when the depression tends to surface up again. I went to meet Swamiji too. I conveyed my thanks to all people who had supported in my exams, now that the results have come. Those to whom, I'm talking and in touch and to those whom I'm no more in touch too.

I'm finally on my way!

Lord,

I thank You for all that You bless me with!
For what I realize is a boon,

and also for which I do not feel the same way.

Grant me more patience,

more thankfulness and

more love,

both,

to feel,

and,

to spread!

Grant me love!,

Pure love,

Your eternal Love!

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

A teacher’s Prayer

Lord,

Help me travel the travelled roads again,

With these people,

Who look up to me,

As they travel the roads,

That You’ve already made me travel.

Help me show them,

That all paths lead to the same goal,

And teachers are just co-travelers.

Make me open to travelling new paths,

As I travel with them on the older ones.

For it is in sharing that I will learn,

In Blank spaces, that I will fill the spaces,

In being a teacher, will I be a true disciple…

And…

Only as a disciple can I be a True Teacher!

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

GyanYog: The Path of Knowledge

I am summarising my discussion about knowledge with a fellow student/trainee of mine and of course this is with his consent: Him: its all bout knowledge knowledge is the supreme power for evrything Me: Not all about it mostly about it ok lets say you've got all knowledge now what? what will you do with it? Him: share it with that lot which is unaware of what knowledge is it gives immense pleasure Me what gives the pleasure, the knowledge, the sharing, or the awe that you get from people? forgive me if any of my words might hurt you unintentionally But, do you now think that we are actually satisfying the desire to recognition when we talk about sharing what we know? Him its just the satisfaction Me when you discuss things in class, or learn about new things, isn't somewhere at the back of the mind there, a desire to be appreciated, and loved for the knowledge? Him no awe have you noted something like this?? Me No, I haven't not in your attitude but what made you ask if I've noted this? Him well its just to check dat hw u test ppl Me and lets say yes I have Him :) Me how would that matter, if that's not your tendency? Tell me something....... when S asked me not to lend you the book the other day, what got yuo irritated? was it the fact that she interfered in your business? Him no well.... Me see, am not interested in your personal issues, its just that you mentioned it, and am taking it as an example Him nothin prsnl Me and its gonna disappear from my thought once the discussion is over so what was the reason of iritation? Him its just dat wen m into sumthin i m just doin dat thing i made my minfd to read dat book Me and anyone who stops you from it, you get irritated right? Him and dan i was deprived of the wealth in dat book Me kool now, here's what I think about this You wanted some knowledge someone interfered you didn't get it now ........ you didn't like it right? Him its just the thought dat i won't b able to read dat buk dat irritated me Me but does this thought give you the wealth hidden in it? and the irritation? Him i dont think so :( Me and for those few moments when this irritating thought occupied you..... do you call them knowledgeable and knowledgeful moments? Him S has made dis happen to many others Me so, when this thought was on mind, neither did you get what you wanted, nor did you get something else, all you got was a negativity. and why should it matter to you? remember, Knowledge is bliss, when it teaches you to be blissful everytime The knowledge or the lack of the knowledge which causes any sort of irritation ......... is it bliss really? Him dis is wat d dilemma is all about Me I know there was a time, when I read anything and everything from religion, spirituality, science, to even erotica why? because I loved what I learnt But then....... I realised....... somewhere deep down I was losing my humility losing touch with reality in the sense that I was forgetting that other people were better than me at different tings as well things* and then...... I understood with experience that.......... Knowledge is not only what you learn It is just the first step More of it is about practice, and most of it is about sharing However........ The essence is....... to gain, practice, share and yet not be attatched to it because unless you're detatched from the learnings, you'll not unlearn and make space for new learnings to come so bliss is only in things that are permanent, and if not permanent, then ever increasing why is knowledge blissful? because it is a way to know beyond what we know Him nw its getting clear Me beyond the material I know, beyond the concepts, and gradually.. beyond this world that I see and to see beyond this world is the aim of the knowledge..... This is Gyanyoga Him this is what even i thought about Me and it is not for everyone So, if you choose THIS as your path BE CAREFUL It will raise the ego It will make yuo arrogant and that will bring the weakness of mind, the diversion of energies and result........ fall down from the gyanyoga Him how would the mind beocme weak?? Me define weakness? weakness is of two types 1. lack of strength and 2. wastage of strength just like there're two kinds of deserts/ the hot and the cold in the cold desert..there is water but frozen Him yup Him ok Me similarly........ the brain is sharp but..... polluted unclear the understanding becomes foggy because it becomes conditional the moment you see people less intellectual......... you start thinking on their level while you should be thinking on yours conveing on theirs and then conveying on yours gradually whenever you see S........ or anyone else forthat matter....... you start thinking about things that ideally shouldn't get any attention and a part of your mind is diverted Him ya dats true Me you're hearing, but not fully listening you're seeing, but not visualising you're present there, but you aren't living the moment and that;s when you get only limited knowledge, not full On this note........... anything you want me to think about? Him nothing to think its all to observe Me what do you want me to observe? Him its for me to observe now u r already on a level where i cant reach in a long tym Me No dude, am no where practically no where compare it with the universe :) Him but i m sure 2 reach dere sumday Me You'll reach higher just keep two things in mind 1. keep learning Him and Me do not resist or control thoughts, feelings emotions, but just introspect basically.........aptitude and attitude and you'll reach much higher Him i'll abide by dis Me again don't bind yourself to anything anyone any at all Him binding in the sense?? Me keep that for the next session ©anu (Exploring Myself)