I have been very busy last few days. Last few days, the work load has increased and so has the stress of study. I feel very surprised at the way life has changed drastically. I do not understand what had brought this change so soon or so sudden. Or may be it wasn't sudden but was gradual, just that I didn't find time to reflect, ponder or dwell on it. My vocabulary has changed, while Hindi is gradually going for a toss.
I do not understand why have my personal temperaments changed too? Three days ago, I did something, I shouldn't have. Why? I felt an immense need to. However, if I repeat that same activity, I know I'll grow addicted.
The loneliness is growing high, and the fact is that I do not tend to realize the hit just because I do not find time to dwell on it. I do not understand what would happen if I wouldn't be so busy with two postgraduate degrees and a hell lot of work. But, the most troublesome of all is the fact that it's taking toll on my health, both physical, mental and emotional. More than I had really expected. Today even ^^^^^ ^^^ said that he feels I'm probably taxing myself too much. But the trouble with me is that academic bent of my mind. The trouble is my stubborn nature and the headstrong attitude.
For now, I have only three primary goals. To perform well as a trainer, and to constantly improve. To be a perfect sample of an efficient and effective student, and more than anything..............to keep myself safe and sane emotionally, physically and mentally. I know its going to be very tough, BUT I want to do it!!
Lord,
Grant me strength...not to win...but to fight !
Grant me wisdom....not only to learn...but also to share !
But more than anything Lord,
Grant me....... Sustainance!!
Amen!
©anu (Exploring Myself)
