Monday, July 27, 2009

Birthday Vacation

I know I sound eccentric at times, but I took up a two day vacation from work, studies and everything, which is going to extend till today later in the noon, approximately 12 hours from now. I am joining work again at 3:00 p.m. today, and what did I do last 2 days? Absolutely nothing except, reading, sleeping, writing emails and eating a little.

I have been worrying about a few things which I had of late stopped fretting about. However, I feel, I cannot resist being what I am, and that when I have excessive love accumulating in myself, I become all the more tensed up, troubled, and disoriented. But, I know this as a matter of fact.

I know about my bipolar issues as well, and I also know that I persist every time, because God helps me. He helps me sustain. I finished six books, fiction mainly. I re-read The Witch of Portobello. I'm on my way to the 6th new fiction in last two days, and I know that by the time I return to work tomorrow, I'd be done with this one, and a non- fiction to go along with it.

I am just desperately waiting for my MBA study material, which I shalll get most probably by the 1st of August, and that shall be the relieving part, getting me into the proffessional student mode once again. I also need to focus on the other degree I plan to do simultaneously.

I am simply happy at the good oppurtunity of having 3 full years at my hand, which I wish to use most judiciously and meticulously. I wish to real a lot of books, update and build up my general awareness and general knowledge along with the current developments in all major aspects of human life. This of course, has to be in addition to my studies for my dual degrees, and my job. I know its going to be pressurising, but I guess God this time wants me to do it, or he wouldn't have helped me developed the wonderful reading speed I have and the understanding that I gain in a subject (comparative of course). Though I'm not a perfect individual, I know I'm a good learner, and I wish to be a perfect one!

Lord,
Grant me ability to put in effort.
So that,
I may learn what is intended for me.
So that, I may fulfill my destiny on this earth,
and be a well-guided instrument at Your hands.

May I never lose my humility Lord!

Amen!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Happy B'day !!

Happy B'day to me!
Happy B'day to me!
Happy B'day, Happy B'day,

Happy B'day to me!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Ramblings irrelevant

Tomorrow is my b'day! I've been musing about this since days now. People are probably going to celebrate it today, since I am not going to work for the next two days. In fact, I am not going anywhere. I have decided to stay home and finish off some pending reads now. Both fiction and non-fiction.

However, its my b'day wish that I could earn more, so that I could buy more books and read more. Reading, of late has become almost an obsession. I know now what do the terms bibliophile and bibliomaniac mean :D

I have also been thinking about the EQ that I have. One thing that I have immensely gained from these workshops that I have recently conducted is that I love teaching. And another is more about my emotional quotient. It is about the way I think, feel and react towards things and incidents and people.

I was working on this post in the morning, when my internet connection got poofed off. I have been thinking what makes an individual the way he/she is? What makes some people different from most others drastically? To what extent is the human mind trainable?


©anu (Exploring Myself)

The Prayer of a student:

O Lord!

grant me the wisdom,
to travel the roads,
of learning, knowledge and wisdom,
under guidance and mentorship,
with complete humility.

Grant me not.....
that I may be over confident of my knowledge,
but that I may be confident of,
my submissive desire to learn....
From those,
who've already travelled the roads,
from those who haven't.
From those at the destination already,
and from those who haven't yet.

Lord,
grant me the desire,
the will,
and the ability to learn.
From,
everyone,
who crosses my way,
and from everything,
with each passing day.

This I ask thee Lord!

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I am Enjoying myself !

Seriously!

I am busy with teaching again, and this time something and to students of a level that I always wanted to. I just love this!

I'm busy posting on forums, and helping people with their personality types. Also getting registered in an executive program for MBA. Simultaneously in MA too. I like this hectic and busy schedule most of the times, except when the depression tends to surface up again. I went to meet Swamiji too. I conveyed my thanks to all people who had supported in my exams, now that the results have come. Those to whom, I'm talking and in touch and to those whom I'm no more in touch too.

I'm finally on my way!

Lord,
I thank You for all that You bless me with!
For what I realize is a boon,
and also for which I do not feel the same way.

Grant me more patience,
more thankfulness and
more love,
both,
to feel,
and,
to spread!

Grant me love!,
Pure love,
Your eternal Love!

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

A teacher’s Prayer

Lord,

Help me travel the travelled roads again,

With these people,

Who look up to me,

As they travel the roads,

That You’ve already made me travel.

Help me show them,

That all paths lead to the same goal,

And teachers are just co-travelers.

Make me open to travelling new paths,

As I travel with them on the older ones.

For it is in sharing that I will learn,

In Blank spaces, that I will fill the spaces,

In being a teacher, will I be a true disciple…

And…

Only as a disciple can I be a True Teacher!


Amen!


©anu (Exploring Myself)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

GyanYog: The Path of Knowledge

I am summarising my discussion about knowledge with a fellow student/trainee of mine and of course this is with his consent:


Him:

its all bout knowledge

knowledge is the supreme power for evrything

Me:

Not all about it

mostly about it

ok lets say you've got all knowledge

now what?

what will you do with it?

Him:

share it with that lot which is unaware of what knowledge is

it gives immense pleasure

Me

what gives the pleasure, the knowledge, the sharing, or the awe that you get from people?

forgive me if any of my words might hurt you unintentionally

But, do you now think that we are actually satisfying the desire to recognition when we talk about sharing what we know?

Him

its just the satisfaction

Me

when you discuss things in class, or learn about new things, isn't somewhere at the back of the mind there, a desire to be appreciated, and loved for the knowledge?

Him

no awe

have you noted something like this??

Me

No, I haven't

not in your attitude

but what made you ask if I've noted this?

Him

well its just to check dat hw u test ppl

Me

and lets say yes I have

Him

:)

Me

how would that matter, if that's not your tendency?

Tell me something....... when S asked me not to lend you the book the other day, what got yuo irritated? was it the fact that she interfered in your business?

Him

no

well....

Me

see, am not interested in your personal issues, its just that you mentioned it, and am taking it as an example

Him

nothin prsnl

Me

and its gonna disappear from my thought once the discussion is over

so what was the reason of iritation?

Him

its just dat wen m into sumthin i m just doin dat thing

i made my minfd to read dat book

Me

and anyone who stops you from it, you get irritated right?

Him

and dan i was deprived of the wealth in dat book

Me

kool

now, here's what I think about this

You wanted some knowledge

someone interfered

you didn't get it

now ........

you didn't like it right?

Him

its just the thought dat i won't b able to read dat buk

dat irritated me

Me

but does this thought give you the wealth hidden in it?

and the irritation?

Him

i dont think so

:(

Me

and for those few moments when this irritating thought occupied you..... do you call them knowledgeable and knowledgeful moments?

Him

S has made dis happen to many others

Me

so, when this thought was on mind, neither did you get what you wanted, nor did you get something else, all you got was a negativity.

and why should it matter to you?

remember, Knowledge is bliss, when it teaches you to be blissful everytime

The knowledge or the lack of the knowledge which causes any sort of irritation ......... is it bliss really?

Him

dis is wat d dilemma is all about

Me

I know

there was a time, when I read anything and everything

from religion, spirituality, science, to even erotica

why?
because I loved what I learnt

But then.......

I realised....... somewhere deep down

I was losing my humility

losing touch with reality in the sense that I was forgetting that other people were better than me at different tings as well

things*

and then......

I understood with experience that.......... Knowledge is not only what you learn

It is just the first step

More of it is about practice, and most of it is about sharing

However........

The essence is....... to gain, practice, share and yet not be attatched to it

because unless you're detatched from the learnings, you'll not unlearn and make space for new learnings to come

so bliss is only in things that are permanent, and if not permanent, then ever increasing

why is knowledge blissful?

because it is a way to know beyond what we know

Him

nw its getting clear

Me

beyond the material I know, beyond the concepts, and gradually.. beyond this world that I see

and to see beyond this world is the aim of the knowledge.....

This is Gyanyoga

Him

this is what even i thought about

Me

and it is not for everyone

So, if you choose THIS as your path

BE CAREFUL

It will raise the ego

It will make yuo arrogant

and that will bring the weakness of mind, the diversion of energies

and result........ fall down from the gyanyoga

Him

how would the mind beocme weak??

Me

define weakness?

weakness is of two types

1. lack of strength

and 2. wastage of strength

just like there're two kinds of deserts/ the hot and the cold

in the cold desert..there is water but frozen

Him

yup

Him

ok

Me

similarly........ the brain is sharp

but..... polluted

unclear

the understanding becomes foggy

because it becomes conditional

the moment you see people less intellectual......... you start thinking on their level

while you should be thinking on yours

conveing on theirs

and then conveying on yours gradually

whenever you see S........ or anyone else forthat matter.......

you start thinking about things that ideally shouldn't get any attention

and a part of your mind is diverted

Him

ya

dats true

Me

you're hearing, but not fully listening

you're seeing, but not visualising

you're present there, but you aren't living the moment

and that;s when you get only limited knowledge, not full

On this note........... anything you want me to think about?

Him

nothing to think

its all to observe

Me

what do you want me to observe?

Him

its for me to observe now

u r already on a level where i cant reach in a long tym

Me

No dude, am no where

practically no where

compare it with the universe :)

Him

but i m sure 2 reach dere sumday

Me

You'll reach higher

just keep two things in mind

1. keep learning

Him

and

Me

do not resist or control thoughts, feelings emotions, but just introspect

basically.........aptitude and attitude

and you'll reach much higher

Him

i'll abide by dis

Me

again

don't bind yourself

to anything

anyone

any at all

Him

binding in the sense??

Me

keep that for the next session


©anu (Exploring Myself)

Trust and Faith

Over the years, I have realised that we tend to trust people, and we tend to distrust the same people as well. In short, we tend to both trust and distrust the same people for different things at different times in our lives.

This subject makes me ponder a few basic questions:
1. what is trust?
2. Why do we trust?
3. Should we trust?
4. Whom is at all, should we trust?


Here's what I feel about the same:
Trust is....... a feeling of security. A sense of comfort and safety which comes around some people from within. This is one of those 6th senses that we at times talk about. Trust is something, all of us (and yes! I mean all!) have experienced but none can put into words. Fundamentally, I like being with people, because........that makes me happy.... why does it make me happy? because psychologically, am a social animal, physically, I need people for the division of labor, socially I need protection against harms, which a group can provide me better
and....spiritually........ The soul recognizes that the other souls are a part of the same Eternal being that I belong to. so, though I don't understand this, my soul recognizes its kin.

Now, to establish this lost kinship, and due to the establishment of this lost kinship, we tend to trust people.

As to should we, and whom if at all should we trust? I feel, That's a risk, but definitely worth playing. And should we? It comes automatically on people whom it has to. There's not even any sort of active thinking involved.

On this note... I can't think anymore right now. will add later if something's there.

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Reflections - Spiritual Guidance

hmm... this post is being written.......because.... I wanted to write it :) Lol, every post is written for the same reason, because I want to do it, because I feel like doing it, and because its an irresistible urge deep within.


Well......... today, its going to be about a lot of things.Its going to be something about myself, then about some other people, and then a prayer....may be about some ideas as well. Am not sure....here, this goes.............

1. Spiritual Guidance:

This is something I find very ironic. As I was reading J. Krishnamoorthy yesterday, I realized that He said exactly what I've been feeling over the ages. I do not accept any authority on myself in any aspect of my life generally speaking. Neither in the way I eat, dress, sleep, think, read or choose my profession, nor in the way I behave, the choices I make and the kind of life I want to live.

Then, why should I be accepting the authority of someone in my spiritual life?

Just because they say they've experienced, God, The eternal Truth and the ultimate reality?

Is it necessary that I will be having the same experiences if I follow the rituals they prescribe? and if yes, will it be mine? would it not be second hand? He very bluntly says....."We are second hand people"

I have decided, that I will continue to explore the spiritual path in the same manner as I've been......like a free spirit, a wanderer who would rather not stick to anyone, anywhere or anything.

The 'yayavar' in a true sense......the sense of spirit!

Lord,

help me realise the fact that
You love me as an individual,
and that I must find you individually.
Help me understand the difference between,
receiving help and being led,

and ,if You think I am to be led,

lead me Yourself Lord,
for Thine,
am I.
and Thee are mine.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Result Part 2

I got the entrance test result for teachers' training today. Have secured 60 % marks, and a good rank, I know I'll be able to get a proper kind of a seat even in my town. But, I'm not really happy about it. Why I am not sure. Anyhow, I am thankful for the result to everyone who supported me with preparation and exams. Very specially to the almighty :)

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Result

I know am posting after 5 days, but I've been busy and peaceful and calm mentally, so didn't feel the need to. Got the result for third year and B.A. out and scored damn well. I scored exceptionally well in Philosophy, well in English Literature and average in Pol. Science. I've been happy, busy with students and lectures, tired and calm. I am trying to work out an agreement with management for the full time position.

I hope things go well.

Lord,

You know what I desire,
what I deserve and what I need.
Grant me what I need and deserve,
and help me desire what's right and justified.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)