I've started cracking up. everyone around me, is always cribbing. Someone about stressful life, someone about their inabilities, someone about their facilities, and what do i get? I get abused verbally, emotionally, and mentally. What's the point of such a life?
I try to be pleasing and to serve as per my best capacities, but they are never satisfied. At some point they need to understand that I'm saturated with the seemingly endless expectations. Its more so with my real life and family. The disgust has made me an escapist. I tend to run off to the online life and develop attachments there. I'm no different there, as I am here. But, obviously things are less personal and more formal there, and I have to pay attention to the one whom I'm talking. Result, I don't have to think about this crappy real life. Fortunately, most people don't crib there.
Whenever, I'm home, Mom and Dad are cribbing about their difficulties, brothers are behaving selfishly indifferent and no friends at all. Not that they are not good, or supportive, but I'm sucked up.
Understood that I'm the eldest one.Understood that I'm sometimes mean, but do they expect me to stop living?And even if that, why don't they tell me straight forward.
I'm losing touch with reality. I am suffering from more and more severe bipolar. My phases' frequency, intensity and everything has increased. I've practically become housebound.This needs to be checked with immediate effect.But How? I don't have friends real life. No people in my age group whom I can go and meet or interact with. No school, No classes, no Job, nothing!
I'll have to soon find a better way than Yahoo or MIRC to channelize my energy and be more creative.
©anu (Exploring Myself)
