I've started cracking up. everyone around me, is always cribbing. Someone about stressful life, someone about their inabilities, someone about their facilities, and what do i get? I get abused verbally, emotionally, and mentally. What's the point of such a life?
I try to be pleasing and to serve as per my best capacities, but they are never satisfied. At some point they need to understand that I'm saturated with the seemingly endless expectations. Its more so with my real life and family. The disgust has made me an escapist. I tend to run off to the online life and develop attachments there. I'm no different there, as I am here. But, obviously things are less personal and more formal there, and I have to pay attention to the one whom I'm talking. Result, I don't have to think about this crappy real life. Fortunately, most people don't crib there.
Whenever, I'm home, Mom and Dad are cribbing about their difficulties, brothers are behaving selfishly indifferent and no friends at all. Not that they are not good, or supportive, but I'm sucked up.
Understood that I'm the eldest one.Understood that I'm sometimes mean, but do they expect me to stop living?And even if that, why don't they tell me straight forward.
I'm losing touch with reality. I am suffering from more and more severe bipolar. My phases' frequency, intensity and everything has increased. I've practically become housebound.This needs to be checked with immediate effect.But How? I don't have friends real life. No people in my age group whom I can go and meet or interact with. No school, No classes, no Job, nothing!
I'll have to soon find a better way than Yahoo or MIRC to channelize my energy and be more creative.
©anu (Exploring Myself)
Sometimes the mercy of the Lord appears in ways a girl cannot understand in the beginning. Out of immaturity, she may reject that one who understands, accepts and nurtures her because he does not "appear" to fit the traditional mold. However, after she suffers a long time alone, struggling with her senses and finding no solace, she will have to return to his oasis. When that happens, she will again be understood, accepted and nurtured in community toward her ultimate destination. She will not be able to banish memories of him from her mind and will be tempted again and again to return to savor that which she cannot find elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteconflicts and disillusionment with things surrounding us. Perhaps thinking is a problem, thinking too intellectually, thinking of things that will remain unresolved (making life unnecessarily complicated as the audience will claim); but we have incapacity to change ourselves. and we suffer from incomprehensible dissatisfaction with things surrounding us. i did write somewhere, our expectations are exaggerated, misconceived, misdirected...but we are slaves to our ways..why should we regret!
ReplyDeleteMay be not! we never know :) and then the question is.....should we be the slaves of our habits or should habits be our slaves, coming and going as and when we please?
ReplyDeleteConfusing eh?