Have I changed?

So, last few weeks, I've been very busy, cranky and a lot of other things. Last few weeks were a roller coaster. I was travelling to Delhi, visiting friends, staying in a wonderful University campus, meeting relatives, reliving some of my past, collecting my work laptop from my employer and my best friend of last five years and doing what not. In fact I met two of my online acquaintances too - One was someone I knew for last 3 years and another, whom I had interacted for a little while.

I did finally accept a mentor to help me through. I spoke with someone whom I really like and I think I even love. He asks me to take it slow and steady and in a matured way and that makes perfect sense to me.I suffered from a severe pms and a depressive phase, and then small phases of constant working for 40 hours, 50 hours and god knows how long. Went completely spiritual for a little while and became absolutely agnostic and atheistic with complete lack of compassion for another few.

So, pretty much a huge energy swing that I've been riding took me through the high's and low's. But the best part is that I do NOT regret any moment of this. I do not feel sad about even my sadness. It was good to feel cranky and yet be able to engross myself into work so deeply (at least for some time) that I could practically forget about everything else.

I've finally got a good job and I hope and pray it sticks for some time, but I guess I'll have to return to this space again for some time and back to journaling the minute details of my day to day life and also observe the changes.

But whilst I've been going through all these roller coaster phases, one thing that I've realised is that I've changed. I've changed in the way I think, the way I behave, the way I deal with people.

I am still the same maternal Mother Teresa kind of woman (he he:P) but the best part is that most of the times, I don't over worry or get over-concerned. Most times, I try to see the situation as distantly as I can, keep myself as detached as I can and yet try to help people around me, in my own small ways.

Yes I do commit mistakes, I do bitch about things, I do complain, fret, be nasty. But NEVER have I intended to harm or cheat someone. This IS something I'm really really proud of.

I do not know what exactly has changed, but I d sense the growth and the development and the change and the evolution (Or devolution for that matter.)

Lord,

I pray to Thee,

give me the spirit,

the strength

and the peaceful serenity,

to accept the changes around me,

with all serenity and peace and

understand what Your motives behind them may be.

So that,

I may be a true instrument for Your purpose,

whatever it might me.

This I ask in Your pure name.

Amen!!!

© anu (Exploring Myself)