101st Post : Something Different : Lifestyles 1

Disclaimer :This post is actually going to shock a few people, but I do not seek to apologize for any adult content in this post. With the 101st post here on this blog, I think, this is something worth discussing. Obviously it's not politically correct, and it may shock a few people about ethics and morals that I've always believed in and lived upto. However, on a personal note, to all my real friends and well-wishers, I assure You that I am perfectly in harmony with the morals and ethics. On this note..... this post is about my thoughts on a lot of things, but primarily on alternative lifestyles, specially one of them.

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It's been quite sometime now, that I've been exploring new lifestyles, alternative lifestyles would be a good word rather. How I hit the phrase and this phase of explorations is a long story ad not suitable enough to be written right now. But definitely, what's more important is what I explored, and where it leads me to.

I started my life as pretty normal Indian girl...... specially when it comes to behavior, conducting myself in public, treatment of my friends, peers, mentors and family, and about expectations....from me and mine.

But, something good (or may be not so good) that happened in the process was the fact that free thinking was encouraged in me. I somehow always found more than women around me. Probably, I used to be intellectually stimulated by the variety in their experiences, in contrast to those of most women around me, and so were they, with my grasp, and teatment of differet and diverse subjects.

The two lonely and isolated years in Delhi, with an exposure to the so - called free lifestyle, made me realize much more than 21 years in my town had. I realized the value of what I had learnt and also of that I hadn't. I realized that I was ahead of most of my peers, but I still lagged behind many. Not because I didn't sleep around or didn't get drunk or was not in a relationship. But, because I wasn't really aware of many things that existed in the world.

And......it was then that I explored. Tried playing safe, and remaining low about it, but I did try to explore and find out things.

It was then that I explored online, read, saw, discussed, became a member of groups around me, and found out how different people look at different set of things, experience. It was then that I truly learnt to be non-judgmental !!

I started with reading the classics, moved on to erotica, finished the Kamasutra, while simultaneously exploring the online discussion forums, porn websites(yes, I did it, but as if it was a course of study). I read philosophy, erotica, psychology (normal as well what the experts had to say about perversions and psychopathy).

I discovered what was good, what wasn't so good, and what was BAD (I say BAD, because it hurt people). And then I came across the concept of alternative lifestyles!!

The few that I got a chance to explore were thus:
1. Spirituality - Asceticism, Renunciation, Week-end
2. Spiritual Sexuality
3. BDSM and Kink
4. Gor
5. Vanilla........of course this was something I already was used to.

I won't really be able to say that I've explored a lot of relationships really........... but Lifestyles ? yes !!! And in the couple of next few posts, probably I'd be discussing all of them gradually one by one.....

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Irresistible Urge

Someone came home at around 10 : 45 and my mom woke me up to meet her up

and since then I've been awake, and now my mind is just restless. I had this strong urge to write, so I'm up again, blogging.

I have a lot of thoughts rushing through my mind. Right from my reflections from the classes I've been taking to the interactions and discussions with Swamiji.

Whilst I wish to write more about the classes, at the same time I also want to write more about the way the students reacted, and the way I responded to their queries....the kind of questions they asked....the ease with which they flew from my name to Ma'am...... I loved it when more than half said they wanted me to stretch the session longer, and even more when.... they said that they would like to discuss things with me personally.

I have decided that whilst I work on their personalities, their enhancements and their individual strengths and weaknesses, I'll work on mine too. Next full month is going to be dedicated to English and Communication and soft skills. I will try to imbibe in me the strengths and to remove from me the weaknesses or not so strong points that I have.

The only apprehension that I have is that I may find it very tedious, stressful and tiresome. I am already cranky by the end of the day now, and obviously the more the stress is, the worse my situation would be. The students are already expecting a lot from me, since they are looking forward to someone who can listen to them, while treating THEM as adults and mature individuals and with an attitude of a peer. They basically need an individual mentor with a blend of a senior adult and a friend, and I know how it feels. All, I can try doing is try and meditate and increase my meditating capacity so that I can help people better by becoming a better channel to the eternal and everlasting source of knowledge, love and compassion.

I had been thinking last few days, how my life is revolving around a certain place and a certain person in a very special manner. I have been visiting Swamiji for last few days, almost regularly and I love the sessions. I generally go there with questions in my mind, and I generally get my answers without even asking for them. He's just awesome in that sense.

He's been treating me differently on different days. The first day, he was polite, formal and yet showed a warmth. The second day when I want was a weekly off on the center, and yet he gave me time. The third meeting was the same evening, with Didi, where I knew he was talking to someone about something, but indirectly he was giving me answers. The immediate next day I went to him again in the evening, when he offered me a chair instead of a mat. This was almost an honor and an action odone on purpose, and he gave me a valid reason for it when I asked him about that.

The next two days were those days when I had constantly tried to go and visit him, and failed, and today again I went twice. Once in the morning, when there was the group talk, and I left from there, since he seemed to be busy in some administrative activities of the centre. Late, in the evening, I was unexpectedly late because of that unanticipated extra lecture by splitting the extra-large group of students who had wanted to attend sessions.

But, with his natural grace, ease and warmth he again gave me time, lesser today, just half an hour but he did, and when this time for the first time I asked him something serious, he answered in seeming riddles, which are crystal clear.

I know I'm going to visit him more often, trying to chant, meditate and do whatever I can. This time, I do want to speed up my spiritual journey and he says, one can choose the way one desires, loves and feels comfortable with. Nonetheless, he equally emphasises 'Samagna Saadhna'.

The only thing that I find worrying is my attatchment to certain things, people and situations which I know (for the better and logical reasons) are futile. However, I am not able to get rid of them, and today without asking how (though I wanted to)< he said himself that we aren't supposed to throw them away, just that we shouldn't indulge ourselves into them.


O Almighty Father,
I don't have words to offer in prayer today.
But, I have what you gave me,
I have that you made me.
I have what you want me to use,
and,
I offer to Thee,
Thy blessings and gifts,
as a token of submission to Your will and my destined path.

Give me strength O Lord,
so I may please You, as You desire, as You wish, and as best as You allow me to.

Amen!!!

p.s. It sounds something like..... (Kya mera hai jo aj tumhe de daalooon)

©anu (Exploring Myself)