22-23.06.09

went to Swamiji today twice, once in the group talk and once in the evening. Was late in the evening, so had gone to say sorry and not interact but he did give me his valuable time. He spoke to me for half an hour, and I asked him a question for the first time which he answered as I had very much expected.

I took two classes yesterday....1. regular and one workshop session with 22 students. Today I took 2 and half hours of class with different groups....One with 35 students and the other with 15. I was surprised to notice that my own batch mates were calling me Ma'am and it was seriously impressive. Also, something that made me happy that they were accepting me in the new role.

I am happy mostly, except that am very tired these days generally. Physically, mentally as well as emotionally. My struggle is getting tougher. I want to write more but am half unconscious already.

Lord,

give me strength,
help me sustain.

Amen!!!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

21.06.09

was supposed to go and visit Swamiji in the group talk today, but didn't. Rather couldn't. I had felt it last evening that since I'm saying I'll come tomorrow I won't be able to. Yesterday's session had been very good, and He had given me a place equal to him, and when I asked him why did he do so, he smiled and gave me a reason too. He as usual answered unasked questions.

I gave a lecture to the third batch today, and spoke to my boss too. He said I'll need to get into some business deals of the institute too, since he thinks I'm the best person suited for the task.I know that though its an exploitation in the sense its not paid task, but I love being busy, and that's fine with me.

I've drafted a schedule today, a chart in print to help me keep track of my activities, and classes, and payments and expenses as well.

Lord,

I know that I need a Master to discipline,
But, help me to realize self-discipline,
so that,
the disciple is ready,
when the Master appears...
to make her an instrument to Your ever-loving will.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)

18-20.06.09

I went to Swamiji twice on the 19th and then on the 20th. He's just awesome. I feel peaceful and Blissful when around Him. Met Didi also, and have been staying at the introducing friend's place for past 3 days. Today I chose to sleep at Home. I am regularly chanting at least more regular than earlier days.

I've been busy studying, preparing lecture notes, instructing students. Yesterday was very very busy, and that keeps me stress free and happy. Haven't heard from him since many days now, and yet it doesn't disturb me any more. I do call him as a ritual like old days as I used to which I shall do till he tells me not to.

I know I'll be frequenting Swamiji and Didi's place more now on, and my blogs will get shorter and toned differently and I'm happy it works this way

Lord,

help me fulfill the purpose of my existence.
Amen

©anu (Exploring Myself)

Today

I had been busy since early morning today, and though I should have been reading/chanting/meditating/sleeping today, am here writing this blog post.....

I worked and cleaned the meditation center today with a devotee sister. Later, I went to meet 2 renunciates....a Mother and a Sanyasi (a Swamiji). The nun wasn't really happy about it, since I had intruded at a wrong time ignorantly. Lord, forgive me for I caused them trouble.

The Swamiji was very peaceful, calm, and blissful, and told me about the visiting hours, and the procedure. He asked me why was I there, to which I couldn't provide an answer. I didn't really ask him anything, and he answered each one of the questions that were boggling my mind.

I had a lot of questions in my mind, spiritual mainly in nature, and yet I couldn't speak a single word, couldn't ask him even one.
And yet as he spoke to me generally, he addressed and answered each question I had. And when I was back, he messaged the other devotee to ask her if I ha something particular in mind when I went to see him. I requested the sister to write to him, that all my questions had been answered by him already.

I was touched both by the answers and the care afterwards. I was delighted rather. Or blissful will perhaps be an even better word. All the while I had been there, I had been unable to stop tears flowing from my eyes, because I felt at home.

Lord,

I know not thy shelter,
though I crave for it.
I know not my spiritual Master,
though,
I know, I seek Him through You, and I seek You through Him.

All I know is that You always hold me when I stumble.
So hold my hand Lord,
and guide me to Yourself,
Your eternal and Universal love,
and make me an instrument, willing to be used by You.

Amen!

©anu (Exploring Myself)