Lifestyles and Relationships : 3

• Communication: It has to be both sided.

When I talk about communication, what I mean is definite conveying of information, emotions and thoughts. And IT HAS TO BE BOTH SIDED period.Any relationship...... vanilla, kink, alternative lifestyle, or may be just a friendship or a relationship with one's kith and kin, communication is the key. Not all of us are mind readers. Most of us are people who do not often understand what the other person is thinking, though we might have a feeling or a hunch.Also, though we all say that one shouldn't be selfish and expect a lot from a relationship, we all know it as well for a matter of fact, that we DO EXPECT something from these relationships.

While in communication, the medium is important, I believe that what's more important is the regularity, order, and intensity of communication. This depends on various factors, and varies from couple to couple.

Some, people are okay with communications across weekends, other require it to be daily/once in two days. There are some others, who prefer it daily from one side, and others who prefer it one sided regularly, but less frequent from the other side.

For some, it's enough to know the well being, for others it's important that they share details. Sometimes, the communicative expectations differ between the two partners. For eg. One of them might be over expressive, requiring regular re-assurance and communication, while the other one is comparatively less communicative.

Situations like these might create complications if not resolved properly and in time. However, I'm not trying to say that they are unresolvable though.

I started this post on the 3rd, changed it to the 4th and am completing it on the 7th. I know,. this isn't a perfect post, but what ever came to my mind, I just completed.

But, so long, so far, it's OK.

© anu (Exploring Myself)

Lifestyles and Relationships : 2

• Compatibility: When I talk of Compatibility, I mean by it, all sorts of compatibilities..... emotional, cultural, moral, intellectual, psychological, physical and of course spiritual.

To elaborate let's assume an example.... If I'm in love with a person and seek to get into a relationship with him, I'd look into a lot of things. (here, I'd be specifically considering an amorous relationship). Is he an Indian? If yes, then is a broadminded Indian or a narrow - minded one. As in, does he believe in the orthodox practices or does He believe in the flexibility of people at different places and times?

I'd consider, If he's not an Indian, then what culture is he? am I comfortable with his culture? If yes, do we agree on the dress sense in general, do we agree on our public behavior, is a voyeur or an exhibitionist? If yes, am I the same? Do I like the same activities as he does, if not, can I bring myself to enjoy his chosen activities, and he mine?

There are of course, exceptions to these rules, depending on the kind of lifestyles people live in. For eg. If it were a M/s lifestyle or a D/s lifestyle, probably it would be only one person wanting to adjust. But even there, vanilaa elements do occur. However, if the relationship was a vanilla relationship purely, probably both would adjust.

So, this involves a whole lot. What if I'm a staunch Hindu and He's a Christian or may be plain agnostic, sceptic? May be I believe in over charity and he doesn't ! May be he's extrovert, part-animal, I'm a recluse! May be he likes living in dark rooms and I prefer bright, sunny rooms. May be He's corpulent, huge! I am skinny..... we have all seen relationships fall apart at times with drastic changes in the external persona. At least I have ! So, if You two people are going to eventually live together, please..... I advise You unsolicitedly......think before You decide!!

This having been said, let's have a look at the general (NON-AMOROUS) relationships. If we look at the set of our friends, often we find that we have many subsets amongst the set of friends whom we group together. For an example, I might have a small group of friends who goes with me to the music class. We all enjoy good music, sing well, share audios and videos etc. But, may be I do not like a certain person personally, because of her/his wiered dressing sense :|

Of course, I wouldn't go to shop clothes with the same person. At the same time, may be I won't exchange a musical CD with someone who helps me choose my clothes. My writer friends might not accompany me to lunches because they are non-vegetarian, and prefer different joints, while my colleagues may be my friends at work, and yet not my companions on a night out.

So, You see, it VARIES! Like I said before, (or may be I didn't : ) )we as human beings are open loop limbic systems when it comes to our emotions, feelings and interpersonal interactions. It's not my circulatory system that wouldn't depend on the other person's. It's my thought process, my aura, my emotional sensitivity and whole lot of stuff.

So, on an end note for this post.... I believe that for the success of any relationship, the key factor is compatibility, and I mean it in 'HOLISTIC' terms :)

Regards,
©anu (Exploring Myself)

LifeStyles and Relationships : 1

Disclaimer:This series of posts MAY contain some adult content. Also, though I would try to be dispassionate about my analysis and treatment of the subject, at times my views might not appear as traditional or conventional. If such be the case, I request the reader to not feel offended.


I have been recently thinking a lot about relationships...Their basic nature, types, causes, effects......and everything...

I have had thoughts hurting my head of late. Thoughts about different kinds of lifestyles, and different kinds of relationships people talk. I am not here, talking about the relationships between a family in the traditional sense. I am primarily thinking about the relationship of a man who is not related to a woman by blood. Probably, these thoughts have been lying low for a lot of time, and are a part of my evolution, my growth and metamorphosis.

Contd..... on 30.11.09

To me, a relationship is one of those few precious posessessions (I mean it....POSESSIONS! )a human being can have. A relationship is an immensely satisfying part of almost every human being's life. It's just the kind of relationship a person wants, that varies.

What varies is not the unbearable, overwhelming need to belong, but the idea of whom to belong to. In different relationships, and for different people what changes is not the place where the relationship happens, not the medium of communication and not even the distance, but the level, intensity and sense of belonging.

What changes with the couple/group involved is not the emotions or the basic elements of relationship. But, what changes is that different people treat and handle these elements differently and that is what makes these relationships unique. This is what makes these relationships so different, and so much a cause of both pleasure and pain.

I guess a few basic elements of a relationship are:

• Compatibility: emotional, intellectual, psychological, physical and of course spiritual.
• Communication: It has to be both sided.
• Compassionate Passion
• Collective efforts
• Care and unconditional Love.

These are what I call the 5 C's of a relationship. IN the next post of the series, I'll discuss these in details, with examples as I can think of that.

Till then, lots of love and regards,
Anu
©anu (Exploring Myself)