My Damn Problem

I wanted to write this somewhere else, but then decided otherwise. Hurting someone is just not my type. At least not hurting them openly. But then I need my space to vent too. So, using this as that. I know this mail will end up in a few inboxes and to you, I have just one thing to say - Those who trust me, will understand and if they don't, they don't really really matter. Fortunately for me, you all do matter :)

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To all those, who think they are respecting me by trying to help me, no you're not. Because first off, you don't even understand a bit of who I am, the way I think, the way I feel and you can never do that, because you will always see it in the usual context. I'm not special, but definitely not the usual stuff and I am proud of it.

Secondly, do not mistake my courtesy and politeness for my weakness or strength. Because it's none. It simply is that - nonchalant courtesy and politeness.

Third and the most important thing, if I distance myself from you because **YOU** asked me to, do not tell me that you respect my effort, because THAT (telling me about it) is disrespect to my efforts/effortless goodbyes. Do I sound clear? I seriously hope I do. If you want your space, respect mine It's as simple as that.

I do NOT confuse respect, politeness and courtesy. The moment you disrespect me or my efforts and no that doesn't mean asking me to fuck off or verbal assault or character assassination or whatever, but your gesture; you lose your respect. The more you do it, the more esteem you lose. We can coexist without any sort of need to indulge in each other's lives.

If I do not message you, it simply means that for me, you do not really exist or that your existence is of no interest to me. I am excessively communicative and open, so if I value your friendship or want it or desire it, I will state that upfront. Similarly if I desire distance, I will clearly indicate that as well. Also, if I need your help dealing with something, I will make sure that I tell you. If I do not, please do not presume.

I know I take time to get over things. I usually take a lot of time to move on. I open up completely when I do and that DOES make me vulnerable. Also, I find it very tough to move on, unless people leave me. This is something like, if a fucking loser says - I'm Your Dom and you cannot move on, no matter what -(even subconsciously, if not in words), I just cannot move on. However, Once I do, I do.

But please, and I mean this please, do not test my patience or self-control. Not even if you're the most valued person in my life, because even if you are, I will not say it once it's been rejected. It's your loss, deal with it.

You have all right to be inconsiderate, mean or rude to me. I do not do that, because it's not my nature. However, please do NOT presume that I cannot be a bitch. I just don't want to be, because I don't need to be.

This is to no one in particular, so don't bother asking. This is to all those endless number of people out there, who think their pity, support, help, kindness is what I need, once they've insulted and offended my feelings (specially when they treat it like something grossly physical and understand truly nothing about it because it has not tangibly materialized).

Honestly,

I wish You really well in all your endeavors. Really really well. I have absolutely NO malice in my heart for anyone. But, please do not disturb my personal space.

I hope you'll *respect* that. Truly.

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And to all those truly valued and respected people, I might be a bitch sometimes, but trust me, I never want to hurt you ever, even if that means keeping myself from falling to pieces, or not being angry at people who violate my privacy.

Thanks for being around.